My baby boy was still born 2 weeks ago at 36 weeks.

[gemloving]

I had placental abruption and it all went very fast from the pain at home, to bleeding, the ambulance, the confirmation that there is no heartbeat to the emergency c section.

He was so wanted, so loved, our third boy and my heart is so broken. He looks so perfect, just like his older brother. All I want to do is turn back time and go to the hospital that evening before it all went wrong.

I am looking to connect with people who have gone through something similar to be able to speak to someone who has experienced it

I am so very sorry for your loss. Sleep tight baby Noah 🩵

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through.

hugs for you and baby Noah 🩵

So sorry for your loss OP. My DD was stillborn at 35 weeks 7 years ago now. Aching arms are lovely, you can apply for a free bear that someone else has dedicated in memory of their baby. There’s also a Facebook page for sands (an unofficial but busy one) where you may get more specific similar stories to yours and immediate support from others who’ve been through this 💐

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Noah.
My son would have been 3 in June.
Its not something any of us should ever go through, ever. I'm here to chat to and hold your hand.
Stay strong you beautiful strong lady. Your angel will always be a part of you 💙

Noah is a beautiful name.
I am so incredibly sorry.
Xxx

So sorry for your loss. Noah is a lovely name x

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope you have support, my heart goes out to you.

Like other posters I agree that Sands are excellent, my only caveat is that I spoke to Sands on the telephone and they were great and encouraged me to join their private Facebook group but when I did I wasn’t prepared for how many photographs of still born babies there were that are posted by their grieving parents. I totally understand for many bereaved parents this is helpful and I fully support them posting photos of their loved one if it helps them, however I had no idea I would be confronted with these images and it really affected and upset me and set my recovery back by a long time. If there had been a trigger warning I would have simply not joined the group but there wasn’t. So maybe start with a phone call to Sands in the first instance rather than social media x

I’m so sorry you lost your beautiful baby. He will remain a big part of your family and I hope you continue to get support and take solace in the ones you love.

I'm very sorry that Noah died.
What a tragedy for you.

There are no words for how sad and painful this must be. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your baby.
Noah is a beautiful name, I believe it means rest and comfort, which is fitting. May he rest in peace and may you find comfort to keep going for your other boys X

So sorry you’re going through this 😔 thinking of you all and Noah ❤️

So sorry. Sweet dreams Noah x

Our daughter would have been 4.

If you're like me, I used to read threads like this and think "but I don't want to be part of this club. I just want my baby back." I would cry and sometimes rage at the injustice of my baby being lost.

I promise you, it does get better. Be kind to each other. Hold on tight to your other children (my then 4 yo has no idea how much she helped).

Noah sounds utterly perfect. One day at a time x

I am so sorry for the loss of Noah. Such a beautiful name. Your third born son who will always be part of your family.

I had an unexplained full term stillbirth in 2020. The pain and despair in those early days and months is indescribable. Every individual experiences the loss so differently and there are no rights or wrongs in how you deal.

As well as some of the others which have already been mentioned, Teddy's Wish are an incredible charity. They provide fully funded counselling for families experiencing stillbirth, neonatal death and SIDS. Their support was life changing for me.

The Worst Girl Gang Ever podcast is something I have found helpful too, listening to the stories of others who know what it's like to live through this. They cover all types of baby loss but they make it very clear in the title/show notes as to what they are covering in each episode if you want to choose those which are more relevant.

It feels right now that this torture will last forever. I remember at that very early stage just being numb with the raw pain, to be honest I don't think the shock wore off for a number of weeks. Take it day by day, on the worst days hour by hour.

It took me a while to be able to hear this but it does get better. Although the love you have for your child who died remains consistent and the pain around what happened to them is always there; you learn to live alongside it.

So sorry, couldn't read and leave. Give yourself space now then consider talking to a child bereavement specialist, sands is a good starting point. You mentioned connecting with others with similar experience and they should be able to facilitate that

So so sorry for the passing of your darling boy Noah.
Always Loved, Never Forgotten.

I couldn't read your post without replying.

My niece was born sleeping at 32 weeks many years ago and it was life changing for the whole family. I was 18 at the time and didn't cope well.

SANDs are an amazing charity who I ended up working for for many years they should be able to put you in touch with local support groups when you are ready.

Sending love and gentle thoughts your way xx

First of all: thank you so much everyone.

@Chestnutlover it all seems incredibly unfair and thank you for lighting a candle. We have one burning every evening.

@TeaKitten I'm so sorry for the loss of your DD. I went onto the sands community website which I was accepted in.

@ANiceBigCupOfTea I will be sending you a private message and I'm so sorry for your loss 

@Nopetryagain I registered for the sands website and went on to the forum. I thought it would help, it didn't. It made me question how I grieve, sad to read all these devastating stories of loss. I wish nobody had to experience it. I don't know what I thought I'd get but I don't think the Facebook page would help me at this moment in time. I am so sorry for your loss as well.

@mellongoose I'm so sorry tor your loss. She would be the same age as my eldest who is 4. I do feel like this. It just seems so unfair, why us? Without wishing it upon anyone else. I'm quite religious and have raged to god asking him what the bigger picture of his death means, what will the ripple on / butterfly effect mean for our lives, for our family. Where do we go from here? What have we done to deserve this etc.

@river29 thank you for your message. Teddy's wish have actually reached to me through instagram which is very kind.

Thanks for validating as to how I deal with it is individual and there are no right and wrongs because simply because I somewhat continue my life but walk with grief whilst having to be there for my living children. Reading the stories on Sands made me feel guilty as if I don't grieve enough or not in a certain way but one thing I know and that is that my heart is utterly broken despite being able to get out of bed and showing up in the best way I can for my 4&2 year old.

Thank you for your response & I'm so sorry for your loss.

Omg OP I have no advice, no experience of this either , I have no words really but my eyes filled for you when I read this post 😥
All I can say I am so so sorry this happened to you. Truly heartbreaking 😞 I'm so sorry.
Sending a huge virtual hug your way. I wish I knew you in real life to helptou in anyway.
God bless you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@gemloving I understand what you are saying. It can feel like there is external pressure to feel in a certain way but you're absolutely right in saying that you need to navigate this in whichever way feels possible for you. It doesn't mean you are grieving for your son any less. Reading and hearing other stories can be powerful and helpful in terms of feeling less alone in this but equally there are times where it just isn't the right thing. You're in such early days, getting from one end of the day to the next is enough of a task without anything making it even more difficult - feel no guilt about pushing out anything which doesn't feel comfortable (which is ironic when everything about this feels so uncomfortable).

I am so sorry 😞

I’m so sorry you lost your beautiful boy. Noah is a lovely name. I lost my daughter Mabyl, in April. Life is very difficult and sad now, but I have found talking to others who have lost their babies helpful. Please message me if you’d like to chat, anytime xxx

I'm so so sorry. Your gorgeous boy. X

So very sorry that you are going through this, it's so unfair. I'd echo that I didn't get a huge amount out of the Sands Facebook page and sort of soldiered on because of having an existing child, however six months on I've realised I still have quite a lot of processing to do. Wishing you strength.