Thank you...

[HijHij]

... for this new board.

My own grief is old and tired, but I was trying to find a safe sanctuary for my neighbours daughter whose stillborn daughters birth at 36 weeks almost mirrored my own stillbirth so many years ago at 36 weeks.

I hope this space isn't needed, but I know, sadly, it will be needed and saught out, as I also saught out help.

I was shocked at how deeply I was affected when my neighbour told me and I was trying hard to console her - all I could do was hug her and hug her. She now knows why I held her so tight; I'm pleased she can be who she needs to be at that moment with me, but I was surprised by the depth of my pain for all their family. Maybe my fast approaching anniversary that takes me one year further away from seeing my baby didn't help me.

Take care, all of you.

♥️ to you @HijHij

I'm so sorry I've reported
Y post.

I've posted on the wrong thread xx

I'm really glad of this board too. Twelve years on and it still can hit me like the early days sometimes.

Glad of this board to. Although obviously wish it's not necessary.

25 years ago this October still born daughter for me. Still feels like people might pull me up on calling her my daughter and that I've had 3 children. Ridiculous of me.

So glad to see this board here. I lost my son Alexander in February 2021, making it to February 2022 (the 16th to be precise) seemed impossible. I have found that the only people who really get it are the ones who have also gone through this absolutely soul shattering, all encompassing devastating loss. I think it’s a journey we will always be on no matter how much time passes.

Sending love to anyone else who needs to board too ❤️

16 years since I lost my daughter at 34 weeks. This year was especially hard when I reached her anniversary. I feel that I’ve changed so much since I lost her. It’s just endless quiet sadness.
Do you all find that you talk about it then feel bad that you mentioned it? I always want to say her name but there is no where to say it.

So glad to see this board here too.

The loss communities on other sites really helped when our son Charlie was stillborn in May 2021.

We have just passed the first anniversary and held a party for him. It was just so sad our boy couldn't be at his own birthday party.

Life is very much divided into before and after. We are different people now and I still can't believe it happened to us.

Sending love to all of you that have been through this

Before I had my stillborn daughter in 1997 I'd thought stillbirth was largely a thing of the past. Sadly it's not in 2022 either.

So grateful for this thread and people who know and understand what it's like. I've had 9 pregnancies, and only one living daughter. Sending love to all of you

Just want to send big hugs to everyone here ❤️
My boy would have been 2 on Wednesday past. It really hit me hard and I was an absolute wreck. I mark his birthday each time and I'm so proud to be his mum xx

Thank you MN for this section of the board for us mums and dad's who have lost our precious babies. I lost my darling boy at 24wks last October after a tfmr for hypoplastic left heart syndrome and ventriculomegaly. He is very much missed and we are hoping that he will send us a rainbow soon. His big brother talks about him every day and wants another baby brother 💙 I'd love to give him his wish

I hope I am not intruding but I just want to send my sincerest condolences and thoughts to every single parent on this board 💕💕

Thank you @Homegettinginvaded that means a lot to me and I'm sure every parent that has found themselves a part of this board

I hope everyone is doing ok in here I has my still birth 4 weeks ago it’s been painful and feel lost at times but trying to occupy myself as much as I can to cope why such an awful thing happened I don’t know

Hello all,
firstly I want to congratulate you all on becoming parents. I don’t think we hear that enough in our situation, too many times I hear people sending their condolences when I would rather they ask me anything about my baby Grace. She was a full term baby with heart complications. But she was also the centre of my universe. My first baby and the one that gave me a glimpse of parenthood. Unfortunately despite surgery and a brave fight, she passed away with us and her grandparents by her side after 10 days.

Controversially, I would be pregnant tomorrow if I could (Grace was born Aug 4th). I’m struggling feeling like I am no longer a mother without her in this world. I have a fully stocked nursery and a heart full of love to give a child. My husband and I have wanted a baby for so long and we are so thankful for Grace for entering our lives but the void without her is too large.

I am soon to be 30 and my husband soon to be 34. We knew we had our own battle to face with fertility and with Grace so I dread waiting too long between potential pregnancies. I know most will tell me it’s hormones or grief and that I should wait longer to heal more, but I really do feel firm on my feelings on this one. I guess I just wanted to hear if anyone else had a story based around a pregnancy so soon after the loss of full term angel. Thankyou xx

@Grace2022 Congratulations also on baby Grace, so sorry to hear about the complications that she had! I have a few YouTube videos that I watch I have seen most grieving parents start trying as soon as possible. I won’t lie me and the hubby have started again trying for another baby and it’s 6 weeks since we lost Leo. We were told to wait for results and c section etc but we can’t wait and many grieving parents I have followed fell pregnant within 3 to 6 months after their babies passed away and have had babies a year after their baby’s death. Please check YouTube and Instagram for rainbow babies after loss for inspiration, is hubby ready to try as well?

@Grace2022
Hi I’m the mother of a stillborn Grace (at 39+5 weeks). That was less than 48 hours before she was due (on Christmas Eve), in 2013.
Her loss was the most horrible and horrifying thing. For a long time I didn’t want to live. I was 38 when I had her. She died because I had a massive placental abruption.
After her I didn’t want to have a child. I wanted her.
I’m now 47. I had another daughter (Lydia) at 42, who is severely disabled, but is my whole life. It’s weird for me that Lydia strokes the tattoo I had in memory of Grace, on my forearm.
@Daisy155 - that’s very recent and you must feel such pain.
Are you going to have a meeting at the hospital to see what happened? How are you doing? Would you like to talk to us about everything?
Who would like to talk about their little ones?
I will start.. Grace was very long and skinny - given that I’m short, this was a surprise. She had very big feet, I have small feet. She looked just like my DH. Also, I loved her so, so much.
to everyone else on the post, I’m so glad you can share your babies with us.
It does indeed leave a huge empty, soul destroying core in life. There’s the before, and the after.
It does get better but not in the way most people think about things getting better.
Anyone who would like to DM me please do .
@Homegettinginvaded - how lovely of you.
@ArrrMeHearties and @Rosersposers @IRunbecauseILikeCake - my heart goes out to you. Anniversaries (of any kind) burn your heart like hell.
@tobee It will always be like this. We are a group of the worst club to be in. I’m sorry for your grief. And @Snowraingain likewise - it carries on
@Lacedwithgrace - bless you. So very sad. I’ve had two miscarriages too. And my stillborn daughter. And my one living DD. It’s a weird world with one of many.
I’m heading to bed but thinking of you all and your babies (sorry if I’ve left lots of you out).
We carry in our hearts what we can’t in our arms.

@Facecream so sorry for your loss of Grace and happy to hear you had Lydia after! Leo was a miracle baby after trying for a while found out when I went on my first day of IVF treatment that I was pregnant! I was so so happy that was the best day of my life! He was our second baby I lost him at 37 weeks and 4 days only a week and 3 days before his birthday. Due to a horrible placenta abruption I believe I had pre eclampsia I was swollen from 5 months my face, hands and feet! By the time I lost him I could barely walk! My midwife and consultants all dismissed my concerns from April I constantly had protein in my urine but because I had no high blood pressure they wouldn’t test me for pre eclampsia.

Me and my husband are/ were the most happiest people and our first son who is 5 years old were so excited to have a new addition to the family. I almost died during Leo’s birth but I am so determined to try again! It’s now being investigated and also by HSIB! I have also got a solicitor due to the severe medical negligence I received every single person ignored my concerns I even begged them to take him out at 35 weeks!

Just like your Grace, Leo was so tall and skinny I will never forget he was taller than my first son when he was born. He was gorgeous Leo with beautiful hair I love him so much and miss him every single second of the day.

Please tell us more about Grace and Lydia ? Xxx

@Daisy155 Thankyou so much for your honesty, I am devastated that you are going through such a similar journey as ours but there is some comfort in knowing our thoughts aren’t alone.
I’m sure like you we are not trying to replace Grace, if I could I would have her in a heartbeat! I don’t want people to judge us for trying so soon after her loss but this pain is unreal.
My husband is autistic, he shows his grief very different to me. He is happy to try and also petrified as we couldn’t bear the heartbreak again should it happen. We have got some genetic tests being carried out but have been told by the doctors that even if they come back all clear, that it wouldn’t guarantee any future babies would definitely not have any problems. Should we be lucky enough to have another child then I would ask for the Amniocentesis test much earlier in my pregnancy and pay for more wellbeing checks to put our minds at ease.
i did not think about YouTube! Brilliant Thankyou.

@Facecream Again I am so sorry you are in this journey. I feel like it should be saying I can’t bear to be pregnant again but that would be a complete lie. I’ve searched for someone who might feel the same way as I do, I know I can’t be the only one but neonatal loss like miscarriages are not spoken about too often, and if they are people who have not experienced our loss struggle with what to say so often don’t talk about all. It’s a shame that these threads exist but I don’t feel so alone when I can read others stories.

Now about Grace. Honestly she is beautiful. I’m a redhead so I was sure she would be too, but her shade was stunning. Almost looked a light brown but then the sun would shine through the windows and this glistening red would come out. She didn’t open her eyes for the first 5 days! We thought she was protesting at having been through the C-section! But when she did open them my heart sang. What a deep pool of blue they were, and very nosy too! Once she opened them once she was always looking around whenever we were at her bedside or the nurses came to check on her. Her feet she unfortunately also got from me. When the time came we were finally able to dress her for the first time I realised these 0-3 month onesies were never going to fit over her feet bless her! She was cursed with my large feet and hated them being tickled! And her tiny fingers would wrap themselves around ours whenever we were near. She was a completely daddy’s girl for sure. Even in PICU when her stats would drop scarily low, her daddy would start singing to her or talking to her and they would jump straight up again. We would call her our little drama queen, our brave, beautiful queen.

@Grace2022 my heart is smiling reading how you described Grace how beautiful, what a beautiful description so happy you had the time with her it sounds like she was such a gorgeous brave girl! And I can imagine he must be feeling petrified about trying again but just know you are not alone we feel the same I am scared it will happen but this time just like yourself I will be testing and going to the hospital constantly!

I am also not returning to work for a year just to try to be in a relaxed state of mind to try again and I am on maternity leave now! What about yourself what’s your plan of action? And yes I could never replace Leo he was just so beautiful to me I could never ever replace that gorgeous boy! I am so excited for us for this journey of trying again it shows our will to carry on despite being in the worst club ever!

@Daisy155 Thank you lovely, she was definitely a treasure.

you have no idea what a breath of fresh air it is to hear someone voice the same feelings as me and it has helped more than you know.

Im also on maternity leave still, it runs out in January though, I have the option to have the full year off and technically return in July but will have to see about finances on that one. At my work I was one of five women pregnant (me being the furthest along at the time) and I don’t think I could work alongside them all just yet. First it hurts like hell right now, but also it’s been so traumatic like yourself no doubt and I don’t want to feel like I’m putting any extra anxiety on these women for their own children. But to answer your question I will be taking as much of my full mat leave as I can! Have your work been supporting you?

Sending so much love to you all. And to say thank you to MN for creating this board. I wish there was no one on it but am glad there is a separate space for anyone who needs it .

@Astounding thank you so much & @Grace2022 sorry late response I was getting ready for my DS1 ready for school had to pick him up from London. I over did it this weekend now in bed resting my C section. Yes I have been told I can take the whole 33 weeks I thought you would be able to do so as well or have you chosen to go back earlier my maternity lasts until April next year. Let me know? and by the way I think I have started my period I am happy and sad at the same time. But happy to see my body is still functioning in this way I will start tracking my ovulation properly x