hello all
my first post on here and I am the stepmother (not the mother) so not strictly speaking a mum! Thought this would be a good place though to get some views on the situation in which we find ourselves.
My husband has two children from his previous marriage. They are teenagers and the split between mum and dad happened when both boys were very young.
I've been their stepmother for the last 10 years and we live a short walk from their mother's house in order to make access etc easier (so they can see their friends on "our" weekends etc).
the mother has a history of depression and the situation at home has deteriorated drastically over the past two or three years. The younger one in particular finds the situation very difficult (her unpredictable behaviour, inappropriate or disproportionate punishment) and she has hit him on several occasions. At one point we contacted the NSPCC as we were so concerned. He spoke to someone at school after a huge row when she told him to "get out" and was put in touch with the SSU. She also asked for his key back, which he has done.
Since then (3 weeks ago) he has lived with us. It's not an isolated incident but the situation has been brewing for the past couple of years. He's happy staying with us and has said he doesnt want to go back to live with her.
She has phoned up hysterical saying she wants him to go back and that she "didnt mean" what she said. She has threatened on several occasions over the years to "send him to live at his dad's" as some kind of punishment (interesting!) and now of course her bluff has been called.
I explained that it is in his best interests, and it is his wish, to continue to live with us. She says we should have sent him back to "learn to live with her rules" rather than give him the "easy option" of living with us.
We have decided that we will formalise the arrangement and apply as soon as possible for a residence order. She's very upset at that prospect of course.
I've tried to explain it may be in her best interests as well, as she obviously finds it very difficult to live in the same house as him and maybe, this way, she can start to have a more positive relationship with him rather than ruling by fear and intimidation (I didnt use those last words). I actually have a reasonable relationship with her when it comes to communication but she and my husband find it impossible to communicate with eachother.
I'd just like your views... I think we should give her a heads up that we are applying for residency but wonder if she will contest it. I understand though that the wishes of the child take priority.
The older child seems to manage ok at home and is happy with the decision that the younger one has made.
Sigh....