Advice on how to tell DSC I am expecting a baby

[Romilly70]

I am 20wks pg and we usually live abroad. DP has 2 DC and we are back in the UK for a holiday. As we wanted to do it face to face DP has just told DSC's mum about the new baby, so she is prepared in advance.

DSC Mum is fine about our news, but is concerned that DSD age 14 and DSS age 9 will feel pushed out by new baby. DP plans to tell them after the weekend. How best should he broach it?

Added complication is that I / We don't see DSC very often, as initial few meetings were rather fraught (more to do with fallout from divorce and DP moving abroad - all before I came on the scene I may add.)

I get on quite well with DSC's mum, but we are not "friends", only see her every 3 mths or so, but has improved relationship with DSC to see us all be amicable.

Anyway, any advice on how DP should break news to DSC, would be appreciated and what he / we can do so that they don't feel pushed out.

Thanks!

Hi, congratulations!

my stepmum got pregnant when I was 16 and my sister was 10 - so similar to your DSC. To be fair I would just introduce it quite casually over dinner and not make too big a deal of it - then ask if they have any questions. The thing about being pushed out probably will not really occur to them until the baby is there. You could also try to get them involved someway e.g. choosing toys, nursey furniture etc.

I would try to meet up with them again soon, possibly out and about as that will reduce the pressure - cinema or something? Need to develop your relationship to make them feel more secure about everything.

Most importantly do not discuss with your DSC over dinner how your DH had to have his sperm tested, had to do it into a cup in the loo and whether he needed 'help' or not. My stepmum bless her did this and I don't think I have ever quite got over it!

Good luck - they will come round.

Thank you both, that makes me feel better!
I will get DP to just mention it casually when he sees them next.

I was thinking of asking DSD to come baby clothes shopping with me anyway, and they are both coming out for a holiday with us over the summer, so I guess the thing is not to make too big a deal about it.

Relieved to hear that they will take to the new baby when he arrives!!

Depends on the 14 year old! Perhaps you could combine baby shopping and getting something for her as a pressie for helping?

No to the baby clothes shopping imo - would possibly further exclude given it not about them but planning/excitement for their "replacement"

Would casually announce it. And then just get on making a fuss of them since they are who you've come to see. If they bring the pg up, you might ask them for naming suggestions to put on the list to show to value their input.

DP told them quite casually, and then I popped over to see them the next day. We picked DSS up from school and played with him in the park then he took me to show me his new computer game (a privilege!!)
DSD came home from school and we chatted about her rabbit. So it was all very normal; and the kids treated me as they usually do. I didn't mention the baby as I didn't feel the need and they didn't ask. I was just relieved that they seemed fine.

I am not going to bring up the baby at all, as I think they need time to process it, I guess they will talk more about it when they are ready - perhaps when they come and see us for their holiday, or when he is born.

But at least they don't appear to be upset; that is the main thing.

I think letting DP tell them was the right thing. It sounds as though you've handled it well.

IME my DSCs handled my pregnancy far, far better than I ever expected or hoped, and are brilliant with DD. I hope it's the same foy you...