my baby daughters half sister has never met her and not sure she will ever want to :(

[superv1xen]

i first posted this in AIBU but i think it might be better posted in here as there is more likely to be people that are in / have been in similar situations! so apologies for posting twice...i hope someone can offer some wise words.

my DD is one and has a 14 YO half sister, who is her dads (my dp's) DD from his previous marriage. dp split up with his ex 4 years ago and we have been together 3 years. I have a 4 YO old DS from a prev relationship. me and DP are engaged.

DP's DD took it v badly when they split. her mum tried to get back with DP when they first split up but he didnt want to. When he started dating me, she hit the roof and started making it difficult for DP to see their DD. and he thinks she was bad mouthing him to her as well. she even sent me abusive messages calling me, DP and DS (!!!) all the names under the sun.

When their DD found out dad had a new girlfriend, she was very upset and always refused to meet me, which was understandable and i was happy to give her time and hope that one day she would accept me.

We really fell for eachother and got serious very quickly. I got pregnant with my DD within only a year or so of being together. his DD hit the roof and told DP she no longer wanted to see him or speak to him. she and her mum also started sending him abusive texts and emails etc. however in Feb this year his DD got back in contact with DP and they started talking via MSN and now speak on MSN most nights for an hour or so, but he thinks she doesnt seem to be ready to see him, although, he has not actually ASKED her!!

She knows that she now has a baby half sister but she is never mentioned during these msn chats, by either of them, all they talk about is trivial things such as school and what she has been doing etc. all the drama's of the last couple of years have never been mentioned either.

They have been chatting most nights for about the last 4 months, so AIBU to think that DP should, by now, acknowledge the massive elephant in the room that is his daughters half sister? surely even his DD is wondering why her dad is not bringing up anything important with her.

Just because you are related to someone by blood does not mean you have anything in common with them.

It is sad for you that your stepdaughter isn't interested in meeting your baby, but that may change, and even if it doesn't your DD will know no different and will not be sad about it.

I can see this from the other side although situation slightly different.

My Father had an affair and left my mum when I was 21. I didn't speak to him for 3 years during which time he married the OW (she has children)

When my DD1 was born I felt the need have my Dad back in my life and as such he visits, calls etc. However I have no desire to EVER meet his now wife or new family. This has never been talked about is just unspoken between us. This has been the status quo for the past 5 years.

Perhaps your DP doesn't want to upset the deicate balance of his newly established daughter with his DD. I'm sure that if they meet eytc in the future it will come with time

i guess i think too far ahead and have visions of my DD reaching her teens and us having to tell her that she has a half sister that doesnt want to meet her the thought breaks my heart....she is such a lovely baby and has done nothing wrong.

That should read newly established relationship with his daughter!

also blowninonabreeze if you re read my post you will see that my DP didnt leave her mum for me.

i am glad you have your Dad back in your life though.x

I realised that.

I acknowledged that my situation was different. I am older for a start.

But whilst I'm interested in having a relationship (albeit a superficial one IMO) with my Dad, I'm not interested in extending that to his new family regardless of the fact that she was an OW. She argues that her children are an innocent party too and would love a relationship with my DDs (all according to my sister who has always been in touch) but frankly that's irrelevent. I'm not interested.

I suspect (mainly as your DP's DD is younger) that with time she will be interested in meeting you all. However given this is a new relationship after 3 years without contact, if I were your DP I'd be keen to keep things at her pace too.