bed wetting at 12yrs!

[Biby]

Hi all,
Just a bit of background...
Following on from a post a good few weeks ago 'Young step mum', My DPs eldest son has now moved in.
I just had to share my sadness over the whole situation.
His mother initialy wanted us to take both boys (10 & 12) as they were causing her too much trouble at home. When she realised how much benefit money she would loose by us taking both boys, she then started bribing the youngest to stay with promises of new games consoles and TVs and has been telling the 12yr old that he is the only one she doesnt want!!(out of 4 children!)
DSS has been really excited about moving in with us and moving to a new school that can better cater for his learning difficulties but i nearly wept when he turned up on our doorstep last night with all of his belongings in a single black bin bag, with everything stinking and dirty.
I put him to bed last night but unfortunately when I got up this morning he told me he had a scary dream and wet the bed. I told him it was ok and it didnt matter but I really wander how messed up this poor kid is to be bed wetting at 12!!
how do you even start to tackle such a deep rooted problem!?

It might be linked to what's happening at home, but I think I used to bed wet when I was that age too. I don't think it's actually that unusual. Have you asked him if it happens a lot or was it a one off? Maybe your partner could take him to the doctors for some advice but trying to emphasise to him that it isn't because there is something wrong with him, just for some advice and to help him stop.

i think you need to give him lot of reassurance and make him feel safe and secure and that you are not going to turf him out but without making a big deal of it. try and involve him as much as possible, even if its just setting the table for tea, asking him what he would like for tea or watch on tv, making him feel wanted and let him know your there if he wants to talk.

if things dont get better talk to your GP. speak to his new school so they know what the position is so they can keep an eye on him to make sure he is settling ok. Are social services involved with him? if so they may be able to provide some guidance.

Sorry its taken a while to reply, its been a hectic week!
Thankyou so much for the advice and support.
Im so pleased to report that there have been no more accidents since the first night. We went out the next day and bought a waterproof matress protector. We had a chat while I was putting it on the bed and we agreed that if he had any more accidents that it was ok because we could just wash things. He seemed pretty happy about it all!
Im suprised at myself how well ive settled into the whole mumsy thing. The only thing I find difficult to approach is the physical contact side of things. He is not a 'huggy' child but I get the feeling a lot of the time he misses his mum just for the hugs side of things.
How on earth do you approach this type of thing??!!

Im really finding this quite cathartic, even though I seem to be having a discussion with myself lol, hell it makes me feel better!!
DSS started at his new school on Monday, and we have had bed wetting every night!
Ive told him its ok, that im not going to tell him off and generally shrug my shoulders to it.
Initially he told us it was scary dreams, and can often tell us what the dreams were about so we stoped anything bloody or violent on TV before bedtime.
We have tried controlling how much he drinks in the evening (as he often glugs down several glasses of water) but I worry that he isnt having enough fluids.
This morning though I woke him up and he told me he was hot and sweaty in the night and that the sheets were wet but he had very obviously wet the bed agin.
Im just accepting that he is going through so much at the moment with moving homes and schools at the same time and must be very worried and scared. (though the smell of warm wee first thing in the morning does get a bit nauseating!lol)

You need to encourage him to drink more during the day to encourage the production of the hormone that concentrates the wee overnight but it does sound like it's anxiety related.

I would give him the responsibility for putting the wet stuff in the washing machine each morning and turning it on - teach him how to do it all and give him ownership of it, not as a punishment just as this is how you take care of it.