Need help with reward charts

[SweetCecilyisasecretcrackwhore]

I have a DD of my own age 8 and 2DSC's - a DSS of 8 1/2 and a DSD of 7.

My DH and I have been together for 4 years and he has had residency of his DC's since they were 1 and 3.

I am tearing my hair out literally and turning into that shouty mummy that I swore I would never be! I?m finding it very difficult to get through to my step children and as time goes on it just seems that the more effort I put in the more they dig their heels in.

There is lots of background re their mother and it doesn?t help that she and I are polar opposites from the way we speak to our social backgrounds.

I am totally exhausted and feel so stretched there are days I can barely keep it together and yes I have cracked a couple of times and been very tearful and at rock bottom. My DSS is a thorn in my side, and no matter what I have tried it doesn?t seem to work. I don?t seem to have found a reward system that works for us yet.

I was wondering what you use, how and what success you have?

You don't say what your specific problems are? I don't think you can have reward charts for general behaviour, as with any "targets" you need to have specific goals. I would suggest you pick one area of behaviour which is really getting you down and design a reward system for that alone. It's easier to treat behaviour issues like housework - if you try and do it all in one go it's overwhelming but just do a bit at a time and you'll get there in the end!

Tackle only 2 problems at a time, if you do a whole list of targets it?ll be too much for them to cope with and none will get done. Also, the rewards need to be instant. i.e a bag of goodies for them to dip in to when they have achieved something.
You need to hammer home that the family rules are different at your house compared to mum?s house.

Blunt reply, sorry, should be working. Good luck.