my house my rules - question

[wildfish]

A generic question. But sometimes I see the phrase, variation of "My house my rules" when concerning step children,

I don't have an issue with adults making the rules.

But it rankles me to read it. It almost appears like the house is the Step Parent's house and the other parent + step child are visitors. To me it kind of sums up the problem. Does the other parent (step parent partner) not have a say, is it not their house too? If the child is in a shared arrangement, is it not considered their house?

Not picking on anyone, but seen variations of this mentioned over much time, and genuinely curious is this how it is considered?

I always take it they are family ruled but the rules are different between their 2 homes IYSWIM. It's not that the step parent gets to make all the rules in that house.

I would hope so, but the comments always seem MY HOUSE, not Our rules, and in those case the "original" parent always seems to be too meek to "rock the boat".

I think it's just wording. When I talk about mine and my H's children, I say "my child" not "our child ".

I think it's just the tone of the conversation and assume that the person means "our house, our rules" as agreed by both the step parent and the biological parent.

In my house, it is my house. I bought the house many years before I met my partner and he moved in. I pay the mortgage, I pay the bills, I bought the furniture. If, and I'm obviously hoping this never happens nor have any indication that it will, we ever split up, the house and furniture in the house will remain mine. Obviously my other half contributes in terms of buying the groceries and taking care of the family vehicles but given that I earn far more than him, I pay for the bulk of our assets and I think that gives me the deciding vote on how those assets get treated.

It's our HOME together, but it's my house. When step-daughter comes to stay she is obviously welcome to our home and the bulk of discipline lies with her dad but, in certain respects, it is a case of my house, my rules - I'd tell her not to put her feet on the furniture, for example, even if her dad might be more relaxed about that kind of thing. Given that she only comes to stay about once a month, it's my call as to whether the bedroom she stays in remains tastefully decorated or painted pink (I gave her the choice of having the box room that she could decorate pink or staying in the grown up room but not being allowed to change it - she chose the big room with the double bed).

I probably sound a bit like a dragon having said all the above, but really I'm not. I get on well with step-daughter and she's always welcome. Just making the point that, in my case, I do view the property as my asset even though over the years it has become our home.

"I gave her the choice of having the box room that she could decorate pink or staying in the grown up room but not being allowed to change it - she chose the big room with the double bed"

This sounds very very sensible to me. And an all too rare approach. I think children in general, but especially step-children, are pandered to far too much nowadays. And it doesn't make them happier - quite the opposite. It's almost as if they instincively know it's not right for them to wield the power they sometimes do, and that reinforces the feeling that all is not right in their world...?

I am more of the view that it is 'our family home, our family rules'

In other words we have rules here that we ALL respect and stick to, and they are set by both myself and DP with input from the children(DSD and DD) and those rules may be different from the rules DSD has at her home with her mother.

I wont have her behave in a way unacceptable to me or dp even if that behaviour may be acceptable to her mother. I think thats fair.

But its never MY house MY rules no, that would be a bit mean. I always correct her if she says 'your house' and make her say 'home'