A LITTLE NERVOUS

[mumsie123]

Hello everyone,

Here's my story, my DH has a 10yr daughter, we met when she was 1yr. Her mother and Dh didn't split very well and there was alot of anger on both side's.

Hubby's ex has always made ssing his DD a nightmare she also has moved nearly 5 hours away. We went down all the obvious route's but no luck.

Now she is older enough she has wanted to know her dad and the mum has seamed to of matured about it (and has married and has 2 other children)DH and his DD are emailing, calling, and video chats all the time.

They are comming over for easter weekend and we are having her for the day and i must say im a little nervous, she seams like a lovely girl, very polite, well behaved smart girl, but i just dont want her feeling pushed out or anything (me and DH have 2DC also)

So really i dont know what to exspect how to go about thing's.

I know this does sound reallt silly questions and for me to be nervous im already a mummy, but dont know how to be a good step mum?

any advkce would be great this is all so new to me.

thank you

It is absolutely normal to feel nervous. You want her to like you and your DCs and also love her dad but with her she brings history that you know nothing about and were not a part of. Very normal.

I have been a step parent for 8 years and sometimes I am utter rubbish at it, dreadful by my own shameful admission. However, I try my hardest and that is all I can do.

Try to be yourself, not a 'supermum' which is a facade that nobody can hope to uphold in the long run. Make her feel welcome without putting too much pressure on her to fit in, she will do what she does in her own time.

Ask lots of questions, school, pop groups etc but don't expect anything back, she may very well be terrified herself. If she does not show an over interest in you or your DCs don't let it bother you, she is only just getting to know her dad, let her take one baby step at a time. It will be very stressful for her as a child, us adults have to cope as best we can... or so I keep telling myself!

Be honest, tell her you have no experience as a 'step-mum', I always tried to tell my girls that I am not their Mum, never will be, but I can try to be a good friend and confident. Easy to say harder to do I know.

Good luck, I hope it is a lovely day x

I'd say, take several steps back. The agenda here is the child and Dad. Let them spend the day together and then all get together for a meal or activity (lots of distractions) in the late afternoon/evening. Best of luck!

Thank you we actually have a fab day plan a easter fun day that we go to every year brilliant for the kids so i really hope she has fun.

I said to my DH i would step back let them just be tohther but he doesnt want to make her feel "not part of the family" and that we all need to get to know her and bring her in, otherwise everytime she does see us she will exspect 1 to 1 all the time and our DC really want to be involved and meet her.

I think i will just try relax the poor love is prob nervous than me.

thank you again.

xx

I think your DH is right personally. SD is now integrating into her father's family so I would think it would be better to start off as you mean to go on. There are ways and means of trying to ensure she doesn't feel left out. That's not to say in the future she wont ever spend any time alone with her Dad, but it would almost be like killing two birds with one stone. Why cause the anxiety of a new introduction twice? To Dad and then his family? I hope it goes well and like a PP said. Just be yourself xxx

Thank you everyone, i'm actually looking forward to it now :-)

xx

Hi, just wondering how your sds visit went?

Hi, thank you for asking, it went really weel, she is a lovely little girl. my dc loved her and we are hopefully going to see her again this week. :-)