Contact issues with DSS

[MrsWajs]

My DP has a 2yo DS. He split with his ex when DS was about 4 months old, contact was erratic for about 8 months but in the last 14 months DP & I have had regular contact every 2nd weekend Fri-Sun. About 6 weeks ago DP requested a further overnight contact visit mid-week and ex refused this initially, DP broached the subject again and she then agreed to an overnight contact visit as it suited her better for work arrangements. 2 weeks ago we received a solicitors letter declining overnight mid-week contact (although inaccurate as not the day agreed previously!) and suggesting 2hours one night per week on the grounds of not'unecessarily interrupting' DSS's routine or not being in his 'best interests'. Since when does NOT seeing his father become in his best interests?????
Does anyone have any advice on this or experience of something similar??
DP and I had really hoped to avoid doing things through solicitors as it will be costly and time-consuming and IMO not in DSS's best interests!! However ex is entitled to legal aid so basically she can send letters to her hearts content and we have little option but to reply or let it slide?

Midweek overnight contact can be tricky. If you fast forward to when the child is of school-age, a midweek overnight with the absent parent means that things will need to go smoothly with homework, school-kit, notes from school etc. Great if you're both co-operating and on the same page - but you can see the potential for lots of things to go wrong - no homework done, pe kit not ready, messages/notes not passed on....

Why doesn't your DP suggest a midweek evening contact to see how it goes? Pick up from nursery, has tea and then back for bedtime. it's a good middle ground for the time being and if it works, Mum might be more minded to extend it at a later date.

I do see your point with that one Schoolgirl, but think DP feels at the moment that since school is about 3 years off there is no reason not to have this contact in the meantime.
The point we have been trying to emphasise for a while now is that children change a lot and flexibility is key when planning contact but ex insits on everything being set in stone which is a bit of a pain.
But I agree that when DSS is school age perhaps after school contact may be a better idea, although our solicitor has already suggested that it shouldn't be much of a problem if the routine were to be established now as we all live in the same town so wouldn't make school runs etc problematic.
I think I find the saddest thing in all of this is that ex is happy to 'chat' when we collect DSS but yet finds it impossible to communicate in any way when being asked about something she doesn't like or agree with, hence the need for legal intervention!!??

Your DP could join families need fathers, they have a lot of information on how to do the "legal" side of things youself, so representing yourself, keeping costs down.

If you live close enough to sort out school drop pick ups/school drop off's ... then personally I don't see how this weeknight contact is going to be a problem. I was under the impression that every other weekend and a midweek overnight was the "norm" for contact when established through the courts. (What is built up to if possible for the child and both parents). It will of course change his routine at first, but he will get used to it and BECOME his routine. Things are going to change over the next 16 yrs. Routines are going to be amended.

I would join FNF (if possible) and still work towards this mid week overnight.

Good luck x

We have Dss every other weekend (Fri-Sun) and midweek Wed eve - Thurs eve this has been since he was a baby and worked fine, this continued when he started school.
DH collects him from school Wed pm and drops him to school Thurs am.

(It took alot of persuading in the early days) but it sounds like your DP is doing it the right way. Rationally when the mood is right. Just keep chipping away and hopefully he will get there - another alternative is to have a professional mediator there to calm things down and stop a conversation just "ending". They won't give opinion though, so Dp will need to have all his arguments thought out.
Basically he has as much right to see his son as she does, you just need to help her to see that.

Good luck xx

Sounds like a pretty standard arrangement. Yes it can be tricky, yes it can become petty (withholding school information).

Yes legal route is expensive and long and bitter. however my understanding of legal aid is they only do work that is required and allowed and don't pamper to letters after letters because they don't actually get paid anywhere near their normal rates.

Personally I would fight, especially since they've brought in a lawyer. The best interest line is the most abused line around. Let them explain how it is not in child's interest to see dad.

Thanks everyone for your advice, it's good to know there are other people out there who have been through it!

We are going to push for the mid-week overnight contact regardless. Fingers crossed this can be resolved quickly and easily!!

Will look into families need fathers as well.

I think 2 weeks is a long time to go without seeing a child and think seeing the lad midweek is worth fighting for, although agree that when school age it can cause confusion re stuff being left at one house, homework stuff at wrong house etc, although if you live in the same town then he can always return home to collect missing stuff or your husband can drop it round his house. Seeing the child from say 3-7 one late afternoon evening a week, taking them out for tea, to pictures etc may go down better, but can be hard if nonres parent working until late and child going to bed early.
It doesn't sound as though you are being unreasonable and I think if in the same town the "not in best interests" argument isn't going to work.

The school (homework/uniform excuse) thing is non existant if you collect them from school one afternoon and take them to school next morning.

They arrive at your house with everything they need for the next day, can do their homework in the evening, it also gives Dad some contact with the school, so he can have some input.

I found that the REAL reason that DSS's Mum didn't want him at our house in the begining was because she didn't want me having too much involvement in his life and becoming more of a Mum than she was - once DH re-assured her that he was doing this for him and DSS to see more of each other and nothing to do with me she accepted it more.

My DH has even negotiated hours in new jobs around DSS's school times, and it is one of the major factors when finding new roles that they allow him to adjust and make up hours through the week to allow the early finish on Wed and late start on Thurs.

Most employers are now fine with this type of thing.