Long story but please read, looking for advice

[steppingup]

Hello. I'm new and need some advice. Sorry if this is long.

I've been living with my DP for 1year, together for 2. Have 2 dsc aged 9 and 7. No children of my own. My problem is really my dss. I know he's 7 so is going to be annoying as all 7yr olds are at times. The thing is my DP doesn't let me discipline him. here's an example. I'm in the shower and my DP comes up to have a shave. says to his kids if you need us knock on the door first. I just get out of shower and hear dss screaming 'daddy daddy'. i answer because dp is busy. I open the door and pop my head round (only wearing pants) dss says 'I'm not talking to you I want daddy' I say he's busy, whats the problem. His sister wouldn't let him on the pc so i say tell her we said to let you have a go, we're going out soon so you only have half an hour. Dss shouts again I'm not talking to you, want daddy and tries to barge past. i stop the door and DP says Im here, then tells him to do exactly the same as i did. He does it. I get annoyed with my DP because he doesn't let me deal with situations like this. I feel i have no control and no respect. How can I ever gain the respect of the dsc if DP takes over in situations like this? I feel he undermines me and makes me look less important in front of the kids.
Any advice on how to tackle it? This happens most weeks. I'm quite happy to discipline the kids and sort out problems.

Thanks for reading x

Seven year old boys can be incredibly difficult and can swing wildly between loving and hating either parent figure daily.
They also very typically become number one fans of their fathers.

To me the most important thing is that you and your dp took a united stand on the answer you gave dss. That's what would really drive me nuts - if he were to contradict what you had already told the boy.

There must be times when you are the only adult around. How does dss take to your authority then?

TBH I would just continue as you are doing and try not to show your irritation to the child. If you and dh keep showing a united front on the way you both deal with things then all will be fine. It just takes time and maturity - something seven year olds aren't big on.

thanks for the reply.

To be honest, in the two years we've been together there has not yet been an instance where I've needed to tell the dsc off when it has been me on my own with them.
It frustrates me that I'm not seen as equal. i know in the kids eyes I never will be. they adore their dad and I find it difficult sometimes when they so openly ignore me and go to him. But thats something i have to deal with i know!
My DP doesn't see it as undermining me and he doesn't understand why this would frustrate me.

Dp just needs to say, "Why are you asking me? What did Steppingup say? Well, my answer's the same."

We say this to our children who conveniently ignore what they don't want to hear from one parent and go to the other parent, but just to say all children try it at some point, sp or no.

I wouldn't be happy with it either and really, its no wonder SS does it, as his father allows it and is basically facilitating their bad attitude towards you. (Yes, Dad could deal with it, but its your house too and ignoring you on a subject like allowing him use the computer is actually pointless to him other than showing he has no regard for your word. You were giving him the go ahead to do what he wanted and if he were just concerned with the computer he would have taken up your word and told his sister. Instead it appeards he was using it as an opportunity to be disrespectful to you. IMO)

There's not a great deal you can do though if your OH isn't willing to back you up. The most sensible reply he could have made would have been what a PP wrote. "Why ask me? Steppingup just answered you"

Have you spoken to your OH about it? Explained as you have on here? It does make more sense for your OH to teach the children that you are to be respected in the home as well as an adult and his partner. I think the attitude they have at the moment, that they'll only speak to Dad, could cause major problems in the future. Unfortunately though, you need your partner's backing on it and for him to see it the way you do. If he can't or won't, you're in trouble

thanks for the responses.
Yes, I have spoken to my DP about it but not recently. When we spoke about it previously he apologised and agreed with what i said. Things have slipped back to how they were before. Chochob Nob, I think you are right about it being more than just about the computer. I know i need to mention the situation again but I don't want to just bring it up, it will cause agro i think.