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Step-parenting

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Wanting another child

7 replies

Abip · 02/03/2010 15:05

Dont know where to start really. I have two wonderful children of five and seven and my partner has four grown up children of 24, 22, 18 and 15. My partner is older than myself and he knew from the beginning i wanted children and marriage one day. But now he has changed his mind. It has made me so depressed. I desperately want a baby, and i now feel that he has let me up the garden path. Everyone keeps saying well he is older, but what about me? I am only 28 and cannot think of not giving birth again. He is not a dinosaur and has plenty of life in him (he plays rugby every weekend !) I get the opinion from everyone 'you already have two children' but this does not suggest that i do not want anymore. Thats like saying to someone you already have a child why would you want another? I love my children dearly, i love his children dearly, and i am head over heels about the man but its making me resentful. I just keep thinking how he knew i wanted another child without a doubt. I have pointed out that he had a second chance when he married and had two more children and thats how i envisioned my life.
Everyone around me is pregnant. My sister just had a lovely baby girl and has a daughter of 8 from a previous relationship. She would like more and quite rightly so. She is four years older than i am and i now keep looking at all my friends who are older than i am and having children. We are not short of money. I recently inherited as well so its not like we cannot afford it.
It would be nice to hear from someone in the same boat.

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Fmarf · 02/03/2010 16:15

I'm not in the same boat but I really feel for your situation.
That must be so tricky for you.
I would think that, as he's changed his mind once, there would be room for further discussion. And I think there should be further discussion really.
The desire to have children is such a raw instinct for so many women - so strong - and I don't think it makes it less so when you've got some already. I have two from a previous relationship and want more now. If anything I would say that feeling is even stronger now than it was before because I actually KNOW what I'm getting in to this time!!!
More talk needed. Definitely.

Abip · 02/03/2010 16:48

fmarf so good to hear from someone who sympathises. Sick of people saying

a) Your ungrateful you have two already
b) Hes fifty and past it
c) you already have so many between you.

I go up and down every day. Some days i just cry and think i just cant do this as i know i wont change my mind.
Its not as though we would be getting into debt. We have no debts but the mortgage which we comfortably afford no problems. He makes me feel guilty by saying the children are a challenge and he is up for the challenge to make me feel grateful.
Whats your situation?

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buttons99 · 03/03/2010 11:07

Abip - Have replied on my thread on a very similar subject. xx

Abip · 06/03/2010 15:37

hi buttons99 where is your thread cant find it x

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buttons99 · 06/03/2010 22:12

Hello Abip. - Its slightly further down the list. Titled - Wishing DH and I could have OUR baby but can't. x

Fmarf · 05/04/2010 17:17

Sorry for the delay in replying!
My situation is a positive one as my husband wants us to have at least one more child. He takes the two I had already as his own and he's a great Dad.
So we are trying. Had a few false starts but fingers crossed all will be well next time.
It's not something that I think many men can understand fully - I think it's something to do with the carrying of the child - dunno - hard to describe really.
I just know I'd love more :-)
Any further discussions yet?
Am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
And Rod Stewart is considering having another child and he's WAY over 50! :-D

Abip · 08/04/2010 12:11

hi fmarf. Definately not going to happen he is adamant. Trying to concentrate on going back to college to keep me busy. Keep me posted and let me jnow when it finally happens. Fingers crossed for you x

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