sorry, it's a bit of a saga...My partner's ex-wife died more than 3 years ago. Our relationship had been borne out of an affair, not something I'm proud of but I've been paying for it ever since. I was only allowed to meet his kids twice before she died, and they moved in with us two weeks later.
It's been hell but I've developed such a strong relationship with my stepdaughter that I'd lay down my life for her. We have since had another daughter who is now two, and both stepson and stepdaughter are brilliant with her. So far, so good.
Unfortunately my stepson and I have had problems since day one, and it's just getting worse and worse. He's had counselling, but he plays the game, says all the right things and gets nowhere. He is now 12 and since Christmas his behaviour has become unbearable. He has had detentions at least once a week since he started his secondary school in September, and is on report full time due to poor behaviour. He comes home every day absolutely filthy; argues with everyone about everything; lies; steals money, basically does the opposite of everything we ask him to do regarding cleanliness, tidiness and helpfulness; and the other day I caught him lighting matches in his bedroom, yet he actually denied it. He insists he is not smoking. He sometimes says he's being bullied yet when we confronted it,we find out he hangs around with the boy concerned. We have raised it at the school and are meeting them tomorrow. They are as lost for an answer as we are.
If I told him something was black, he'd argue it was white. If I ask him to do anything, he does the opposite. If I am talking to his dad he interrupts, if we are walking next to each other he physically comes between us. He cannot cope unless he has constant attention. It's exhausting.
To make matters worse, I found out my partner had an affair last year with a woman ten years younger than him. We nearly separated and although the children do not know what caused the problems, both of my stepkids were desperate to stay as a family. I stayed with him for the sake of the kids but also because I love him and we've had so much pressure that I could forgive him for needing an escape. So we have worked hard to improve things, and my stepson and I started to get on brilliantly until after Christmas. Since then it's just got worse and worse and worse every day. I am pulling my hair out, my 2 year old asks me every day whether I am cross or happy. I feel I am being drained by a little boy who thinks he's a man and won't let anyone help him. He controls our house, and I can't take it anymore.
And the worst thing is that he lets off the grenade, and then carries on as though everything is fine. Sometimes I see such a dark look in his eyes, it worries me. I know we need to deal with his problems because one day soon he will be a very angry teenager. I want to help but lately I feel so angry with him for his behaviour, I am struggling to see the little boy inside.