Paying for one child while another moves in

[crazycrazy]

Currently, DH pays £410 CSA for his 2 children. When DSS1 starts university in September, DH will be paying around £310 CSA towards DSS2. However DSS1 has made comments about coming to live with us at this point.

Obviously this is going to cost us in terms of extra food and gas/electric. How much do you think it would be reasonable to ask from him towards his keep? (given that we're paying his mother £310 towards DSS2)

As you've repeated many times that you consider ds1 an adult perhaps you should sit him down and discuss these practicalities. Ask him what he feels is reasonable and necessary. And come to a conclusion based on his and your affordability. With regards to his mum contributing- well if he's in a situation where he wants to leave his home, mother and sibling because of her controlling then surely you would take pity on him and welcome him into perhaps a more stable and comforting home. For what its worth when i was a student my parents charged me 200pm(i did have a past time job though) for food digs and bills and for those people saying charging him is unreasonable, presuming if is taking out a tuition fee loan, that will pay his fees, the further subsidies- grants maintenance loans, etc are then disposable to an extent. And continuing to encourage an 18yo to live without financial responsibilities is setting him up to for a sharp shock when if does move out. Crazy if for no reason other than to teach him to budget and live in the real world you are doing the right thing asking him for contributions.

Crazy - I answered your question becasue you were the OP. I assume that this boy is going to have to take out loans to cover his costs... working is all very well (Iactually worked a lot through my degree but that's me) but university is also about a social experience as much as an educational one and if you able to help then then I think you should. However, if your Op had been we cannot afford this, we are in debt, then i might have answered a bit differently but having such a large award to the ex (with the current rate for 2 children being 20% of net income) I reasonably assumed that you had a large income.

It is of course good to encourage older children to contricute towards their upkeep but not if they are getting into debt to do that.

tarty - the old csa system which DH is on bears no relation to the current 20%. On the new scheme, he would have to earn twice what he does now to have to pay what he currently pays

Agree the CSA amount you'll still be paying is totally irrelevant to how much in principle you sould ask dss1 for keep.

As a compromise how about asking him for £30 a month, but on the understanding that he has to buy (and cook!) his own meals?

Gooing to university for most students mean they have to work out how to budget, cook etc. so you could argue you'd be doing him a favour asking him to buy and cook his own food - developing his independence TBH once he gets there he may well want o rent with his new-found mates anywya.

surely if you ask the CSA to re evaluate due to change of circumstance ie paying for one child not two then you will fall into the new way of working out so will only pay via the % of earnings????

bonkerz - no unfortunately not, the csa does not operate around logic. I've heard of many cases where the amount payable doesn't change at all when the eldest reaches 18/19. I won't bore you with the 'old' systems rules, but they are 'bonkers'! Maybe all that extra their mother has been getting on the old system (twice the amount of the new system) has been put away towards their university costs though

Agree the CSA amount you'll still be paying is totally irrelevant to how much in principle you sould ask dss1 for keep.

As a compromise how about asking him for £30 a month, but on the understanding that he has to buy (and cook!) his own meals?

Gooing to university for most students mean they have to work out how to budget, cook etc. so you could argue you'd be doing him a favour asking him to buy and cook his own food - developing his independence TBH once he gets there he may well want o rent with his new-found mates anywya.

oops posted twice

Tbh if his only reason for leaving his mother's is he doesn't like her rules there's no way I'd let him move in with me for the easy life; especially if it increased an already significant financial burden!! He's an adult and he shouldn't just assume he can live wherever it suits him without discussing it with the homeowners first!! My SS's wouldn't get away with it!

What is your partner's opinion on the matter?

If he's at university where is he going to get the money from to pay you?
I expect to be paying for my kids when they go to university. If they stayed with me rather than their dad or lodgings I would pay them less. I would never expect them to pay me as i want them concentrating on their studies not doing paid work beyond the odd bit of bar work etc for spending money occasionally on an evening or during the holidays.
To me if you are still a student then you aren't really an adult who should be expected to pay their way. It's a sort of extended adolescence.
You sound as though you didn't go to university.

actually rebecca did go to university, and like everyone else I knew (except the rich ones) I lived off a student loan. And my living costs, including £50pw rent plus food, gas, electricity etc, made the £38pw I'm suggesting here look like an absolute bargain

You don't sound remotely resentful to me crazycrazy, just in a difficult situation and worried about how you are going to pay for things.

I'm a bit surprised too that people think that £100 is plenty to allow for an extra child/person in the house. My impression from other threads about maintenance is that this is considered to be hardly anything at all.

You need Yerblurt. I'm sure he's linked to a site that will help with CSA appeals and stuff like that. Maybe have a look through some old threads and you'll find it?

Crazy I will always be of the opinion that each parent is 50% responsible for the emotional, physical and financial care of their children, not many subscribe to that though.

What are your SS plans? Is he thinking of part time work? have you discussed with him your and his expectations if he does move in?

yes surfermum, having read many other threads about maintenance that does seem to be the case indeed! Just in terms of food alone it would come to much more than this (and of course we also feed his brother when he's at ours at well, along with all the other costs that go along with frequent contact visits). I'll seek out some of yerblurt's stuff as you suggest - cheers

jemesouviens - yes indeed, unfortunately sometimes the feeling seems very much that the only requirement from an nrp is money and that apart from this they are generally persona non grata

DH is going to sit down and take to DSS about it all now

Oh god Crazy, you're on the good old "CS1" are you?

Yes - hence the 'raking it in' comment re the childrens' mother. At a rough guess, she's been getting £2k more a year for the last 8 years or so than she'd have been getting on the newer system

We're on CS1 re stepkids (now just 1) as well. A very insane system, I really wish they'd switched everyone to CS2 as if you're an honest bloke you get taken to the cleaners.
CS2 is much fairer. Ex and I use that.
I don't resent paying for the stepkids, I do resent the fact that it is much more money than is needed to look after a child though (especially as DH still pays for school trips etc as extra.) and lots of it just goes into the exes pocket.

We're on the old system too. But dsd's mum did us a favour when she reported us for "defrauding them". She rang and said we hadn't told them we had a mortgage or a child of our own. We hadn't, we knew the payments would go down - which is what happened - and were prepared to carry on at the level it was at. Talk about shoot yourself in the foot.

Getting a sensible assessment where they actually had their facts right was a nightmare. And you never spoke to the same person twice. I think that's why we've just tended to ignore it when we've probably been entitled to a reassessment, just so we don't have to deal with them again.

I frequent another forum regarding CSA enquiries and the old system is a shambles. On one hand, one change in your circumstance could indeed reduce your entitlement ... but then another could increase it! Or if the Parent With Care's circumstances have changed, then it could also increase it.

It's terrible that the only way to be changed to the new system now is if the current case is closed for 13 weeks. Of course a PWC is not going to close a case if they know full well their child support entitlement is going to reduce.

When I married dh he had 3 teenagers and I had 2.His ex married a much younger man and had a baby.She never had any of the older kids to live with her 'no room'.So dh and I had all5 [I was widowed]all 5 went to University and I dont begrudge a single penny that we spent on dc-they are all our children and your dss is part of your family.You should be pleased that he wants to live with you.Of course he 'assumes' he can live in his father's house.I'm afraid I think the CSA is a separate issue.I am now avery proud step gran to 6 and gran to 3.