My brother has been having a hard time recently with access for his DC's and so I wanted to try to get a bit of advice from you wise ladies on his behalf. I'll include some history to help!
Brother and his ex split when DCs were 8 and 4 - she kicked DB out and moved in her new partner. She was difficult with access from the off, and DB had to go to court eventually to get formal access agreed, every other weekend and 1 afternoon pw, 3-6pm
Relations have always been a problem, and for some reason (despite initiating the split herself) she seems to constantly want to cause problems. She is the sort of person that needs to feel she has control, even when this is to the detriment of what the children want.
Both DB and the children would like him to have more access. On any occasion DB asks for this, eg. an extra night in the holidays or whatever, she says no, she has plans etc etc, even when the DCs later confirm to DB there were so such plans
Lately, the trouble is over swimming on Saturday afternoons. The children go to swimming lessons, and have since they were very young. As a result, they are now both very competent swimmers. They do seem very bored of it now though, and it is very much an activity arranged by their mother (unfortunatly her control issues extend to insisting on choosing their hobbies, even now when they are 14 and 10). They basically would rather not go any more, but she books them session after session on Sat mornings.
Well the problem is that occasionally, DB cannot take them - e.g. other plans, taking them away for the weekend, visiting friends/family whatever. It has only occasionally been the case that he hasn't taken them (despite them continually saying to him that they don't want to go but their mum makes them). 2 weeks ago, they didn't go because of the snow and ice conditions. Well the latest is that their mother refused to let DB have them on Friday night (because he apparently can't be trusted to take them swimming) and she dropped them round on Saturday after swimming instead.
DB is v upset because this is his contact time and she not only is violating the court order, but is upsetting the children and causing unnecessary friction. And quite apart from that, it should be up to DB how he spends his access time with the children. imo, the fact that she has chosen to book lessons during his contact visits, without asking him if this is suitable, is her problem
There is also an issue with weekly access now because DB's job means he is unable to pick the children up at 3. However, the order was made at that time originally when the younguest child was only 4, so now that he is 10, my DB can see no reason why he can't have the chidren later, say from 5. He has asked their mother and she has said no (no reason given other than if he is unable to pick them up at 3 this is his problem and not hers). This is despite the children wanting to see DB in the week (and recently, the youngest asking DB if she could bring his mum to court to see them more )
Of course DB could apply to go to court again and I do think he would get more access, especially as the children would be asked for their wishes. However, we are worried about the effect on the children. Their mother seems to have a real go at them about everything (most recently bullying the eldest for not 'making' their father take them swimming) and creates a very stressful environment for the children. DB is in a dilemma over what to do
Sorry this is so long. There are so many other examples but want to keep it as short as possible!