Wishing DH and I could have OUR baby but can't.

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I wondered if anyone could offer any words of wisdom to me. I so dearly wish DH and I could have a baby of our own (plus I am still broody in general) He has had the snip and I knew this as soon as I met him, but that wishing feeling just won't go away.

We each brought children from previous marriages into this one and I know all the logics of
a) We have more than enough on our plates already
b) I should be grateful for the children we have already
c) Its just not an option and it isn't going to happen

BUT I just wish I could be sensible and get on with life without wishing for it. I know its partly to do with wanting to share with him all those pregnancy/birth/new baby times etc and that these are not memories we will ever have together but I also just wish we could have a mini us as well as the children we have who are other peoples children too.

Has anyone else felt like this??? or am I just being stupid feelng like this??? Thanks x

No thats not stupid it's broody.....unfortunately you won't be progressing to breedy. Might ameliorate some of those feelings by going onto a site for women who have infertility problems. Hard as it may be, try celebrating your real children rather than wasting your energy on an imaginary one.

Thankyou for the replies. I guess (today is a sensible day!) that I will just have to learn to accept the situation and live with the longing.

My DH def wouldn't change his mind so I know its not worth bringing the subject up. We have spoken about it before and he says he too dearly wishes we had met younger and had the children between us but it wasn't that way.

He had quite a traumatic snip op so wouldn't want anyone doing anything else (sorry if tmi!)plus he is looking forward to the fact that although we didn't do the normal path and get the time together on our own before we had children, in time we will get to have that time together but if we had another child that would make it alot longer until we reached that time. (I suppose thats a compliment that he wants me to himself)

I think part of the problem is being a Mum is the one part of my life I feel I have been a success at and I feel inadequate in the career, failed marriage etc parts of life, and so, much as I love being with DH, the part of life I really enjoyed previous to meeting him, was being a Mum to little ones. I had all 3 within 4 years and I just loved it all. My life feels empty now in some ways (despite being very full..if that makes sense!!) xx

I am in exactly the same boat. So desperate for a baby but my partner knew this and agreed when we met. Now we live together and care for our children he has changed his mind. He had the snip and told me to look into the possibilites. I researched the net and gave him the findings and now he has changed his mind. Seemed he wanted to bide time. I am gutted though and very desperate to have another.

Hello Abip. It's really hard isn't it! I have good and bad days, if I am honest I am much more sad about it than I can tell DH. I don't think it helps with my relationship with DSD either.

He didn't want any more children when his ExW whoopsed..on purpose...with contraception and got pregnant and so thats why he had snip! He didn't trust her to not do it again. I just wish he hadn't as I am sure he would have come round to my way of thinking but cos of the snip its a def no go.

I knew when I met him though and still got involved as at that time I just wanted to find a new man and I guess I didn't think the longterm through properly.I had my children and having another one wasn't a priority, now I miss having a little one around so much and have big regrets with life choices I have made.

I do understand how you feel. For me, money is too tight, my youngest is disabled and very demanding, and I'm getting older- so realistically it can't happen, even though I feel gutted not to do the baby thing with the love of my life. However, I just try to think that we are the best parents to the crew we've got between us, and we are moving on to the next stage of life together and have other things to look forward to. It's simply a case of trying to count your blessings, I'm afraid. You might always think it's a shame, but do try to be positive and not see it as a tragedy, because it really isn't. And trust me, when your older ones get big enough to be left or to babysit, the freedom is fantastic

Good points raised above and thats what i am trying to concentrate on. I am in a slightly different situation as my partner knew i wanted more and agreed until it actually came up again. I feel tricked and had an awful weekend last weekend where i got myself in a total tearful state explaining how i feel ripped apart when i see babies and pregnant people. But he is adamant and seems to almost cast my feelings aside and does not see how serious i am about this, starting to resent him for it. I have even considered breaking up as i feel that strongly about it. But i love him and need to focus on the life i have and not one i cant have. Thinking of doing a degree in computing continuing onto full bs hons, so that will take up five years of concentration.

My ex was snipped when he was only 30, after having 3 children because his wife just wanted to keep producing and he was shattered working so hard to support them - it was a panic decision really, they split six years later. We married and couldn't have children - I had two already but I had all the same feelings described by others and desperately wanted our own child. Somehow I mentally convinced myself I was 30 - too old, already had children - be satisfied....this created so much resentment towards his children and his ex - in a way it destroyed our marriage - he left when I was 40. I met my lovely partner and we could have had children, again we had 5 between us but the broodiness had just gone and we felt we didn't want to start again. We now have a 7 year old grandson and although we would have loved our own, the timing was wrong and in a way it was a blessing in disguise I didn't have a child with the ex because things turned out to be quite horrible with him. It's certainly not wrong to feel cheated - I realise that now and should never have been told I was being stupid and selfish - it is perfectly natural.

My DH had snip so XW did not have to use contraception long term - then they split up.

I knew this when we got together - we did pay for a reversal but it has not worked (it partially depends how long ago the op was done)

So - no kids for me then - I have 2 SS - who can be sheer hell and friends with kids who we are very close too - and I have a dog and a cat.

I call them my subsitute children after an acquaintance (who knew I could not have kids but not why) commented on me getting a dog by saying 'Oh, that will be your substitute child then' quite nastily

Accept it - rejoice in the children you have - and accept this may allow you to do things you could not do if you had kids! And do not cry every time you get your period (note to self)

I recently married my partner when we met i knew hed had the snip an had two teenage siblings and i had a young child myself an cause of a horific pregnancy i had no intention of having more at that point but as wev grown closer an got married were both desperate to have at least 1 more child of our own but we cannot have the reversal has he has left it to long. knowing we cant have another is ripping my life apart i dont wana leave him but am so desperate 4 another child it reduces me to tears everyday im even crying typing this as i cant control my broodyness im not sure how to cope with it anymore. can anybody offer advice on what to do so i can get threw the day without crying?