WWYD? Need advice / views on this please.

[harimosmummy]

A few weeks ago (when we had the snow before Christmas), DSDs were here and I went to get their ski gear out. DSD2's was here. DSD1 had taken hers home so I said I'd get her mine... Mine was nowhere to be found. DH had a bit of a go about my parents taking it back to their house (to be fair, my mum can squirrel things back to the Motherland!!!) Anyway, I let it go...

After we'd finished playing, I asked DSD2 if she wanted to take her skisuit back with her (they went skiing at New Year) and I got this vague reply but, essentially, no - she had some other stuff to wear.

The pictures have just gone on FB - it's my f^£king jacket, so one of them has obviously taken it at some point... . It's not just like it.. it's the same exact jacket (and, yes, I appreciate it wasn't the only one made, but I bought it back in 2004 and it's VERY specific)

I'm honestly not bothered about the jacket - it was pre-children and I am not the same weight (or shape ) that I was then - so I'd almost certainly get a new one now, but I am pissed off that they've taken it without telling me, and sat through DH having a pop at my mum without saying anything (though I can appreciate that they probably wouldn't have chosen that moment to say 'well, actually, no.. it's my mums')

I really can't decided whether to just let it go or say something.... On one hand, I dont' want the jacket back, and would have happily given it to them if they'd asked (DSD1 has borrowed it previously) so can't really see the point in having a massive falling out over it... but on the other hand, other things have goine missing (Including DS's PASSPORT ) and I'm a bit wary now - as I didn't think they would take stuff like that.

One possibility is that they thought they could take it - but if that was the case, they wouldn't have felt the need to not say anything when it couldn't be found...

On one hand, I think I'm being unreasonable (as I don't want the jacket back) but on the other, I'm feeling really hacked off that they think it's OK to take my stuff.

(Put into context: they have to take EVERYTHING back to their mothers - DSD2 still makes lists just so she doesn't forget as much as a sock... so it's gallling that they seem to think other people's stuff is fair game)...

so, WWYD?

Oh, I should add... the photos haven't been put up by DSDs - but as they have been tagged, I've been notified as they are my friends.

I am guessing that they never thought I would see the photos.

I'd speak to your hubby first, after all they are his children. Although he may be biased towards them and want to side with them, I'm sure he wouldn't want them to grow up being deceitful or thinking other people's things were fair game.

Rather than you be the bad guy, hubby should sort it out with them, with you there if possible so that they see a united front.

yeah. I have spoken to him.

Just wondering what others would do in this situation. Speaking to the mother is impossible and will not happen.

I'd speak to them about it.

WWYD if one of your resident children walked off with something of yours, didn't tell you when you were looking for it, and then you found proof they'd had it all along?

Personally, I'd tell them off, and have a discussion about trust and respect.

I don't see why you shouldn't do the same thing with step children, my line with my DSD has always been 'Would I pick her up on this if she was here full time/my birth child?' This is mostly to stop me being harder on her than my own, but also works the other way!

I agree with emskaboo ... this is not a matter of mere policy or implementation of rules, which should be up to the parents ... She took something that belongs to you and you have every right to pick her up on it.

Agree with emskaboo too. I'm guessing that they're old enough to know better and in that case you can't have them thinking that this is acceptable behaviour. Have had a similar experience but only with very small things going 'missing' because SD just thought she could get away with it. Had to nip it in the bud. It does leave a seed of mistrust unfortunately.

I think sometimes they do stuff like this that they wouldn't do to a birth parent because as a step parent you're just a lot lower on the scale of people who matter. On the flip side, it annoys you more than it would a birth child doing it.

Got to be tackled with your other half though as resentment will only build if its just swept under the carpet.

Autumnsun, I think it's rather the contrary ... they DO it to the parents, and this is one of the few occasions where they suddenly consider a stepparent a completely equal parent.

My stepsons are always taking my socks/gloves etc. and it really annoys me! OH just laughs! However when SS12 took my new £20+ leather gloves and wrecked them in the snow he did tell him off - it didn't get me my gloves back but at least I felt stood up for!!