Are we being mean not to buy dsd a laptop for her birthday?

[strongblackcoffee]

She will be 13 next month, and has just asked us for a laptop. We said no, it's just too expensive. I appreciate she's getting to an age where she almost needs one, but they do have a family computer, so she does have access online through that (and her phone).

The real issue here is that her mum seems to expect us to buy larger and larger presents for her, and claiming that we are tight, etc., if we don't. She is part of a culture where children seem to be bought enormous presents - several £100 - for birthdays/Christmas. Whereas we tend to spend around £30-£50 per child.

I feel really uncomfortable about getting pulled in to spending far more than we want to. My dh feels the same. But at the same time I feel a bit guilty - we are just thinking about getting a new family computer here at home, we could stretch to the laptop if we really tried. And I worry that maybe when my ds1&2 get to a similar age, I'll understand that you can't spend small amounts on teenagers, or something like that, then it'll feel that we were mean and unfair for DSD.

So, advice from anyone would be welcome... Do you think that it's too big for a birthday present? Should we stick to our principles? Are we being deluded/unfair?

Thanks

I think £30-£50 is fine on younger children as they don't really know the value of them but presents (if you can afford it) tend to be more expensive for teenagers.

But its your money and up to you

To be honest I used to spend far less on dd when she was smaller than I do now (she is 14). She had a laptop for Christmas when she was 12. It is a good present for a teenager.

To be honest you can get good deals on laptops now for a couple hundred quid. Perhaps you could say that you are prepared to buy the laptop but it will be part birthday/part christmas present as well (I know it's a bit soon).

Shall I say to be honest again

yes I had a feeling that might be the case... we spent more than ever last year to get her the Wii fit board and game (plus other bits) for birthday, god knows where it'll go next year..!! Maybe we can try going halves with her mum or something. I'd obviously like to get her what she wants, it just seems like so much money, and I really don't think she appreciates the value of it all. But then she is only 13, maybe we'd just better brace hard ready for the next decade!

lol getorf - to be honest I think you're right!

We bought our son a laptop last year for his birthday (14th). It has been a good investment, he uses it to do all his homework and a lot of his schoolwork too (he is dyslexic)

TBH I think teenagers are a lot more expensive, we have just finished getting no.1 daughter through university! My advice - get saving now.....X

Personally, I wouldn't buy a laptop for my own or my DSC for their birthday. I think it is too large a present and my children wouldn't even ask for it. My son is also 13 and he does appreciate the value of money, in fact, he was asking us and close relatives (eg. Grandparents who he knew wouldn't mind) for money this Christmas so he could combine all the money towards an Ipod. We did actually buy him an Ipod, but I was pleased he didn't assume he might be allowed one, he knows they cost a lot of money. Prior to this year we had actualy been spending ridiculous amounts on presents and tbh, they didn't appreciate it any more, hence we have cut down.

I think maybe getting a laptop as a combined present with her Mum is a good ida, or maybe offering her the money to put towards a laptop. However, ultimately it is up to you, and if you are happy buying her a laptop, then go for it. I am sure she'll appreciate it.

It depends on the individual circumstances. In our financial state at the moment, we wouldn't buy any of the children a laptop as a birthday present as we couldn't afford to spend a couple of hundred pounds on a present.

Going halves or giving money towards it, like has been said previously, would be an idea.

I am not looking forward to the comparisons made between financial situations, for example presents, in the future. There are two adults at home here, with 2 children at home and 1 dsc. Dsc's Mum must not be much more worse off than us and there is just her and dsd at home so she can afford more than we can.

It must be horrible having comments like "being tight" thrown at you.

You are not being mean at all. If a 13 year old wants an expensive piece of equipment then she should save up for it.

Don't fall for that bullshit about teenagers "needing" laptops.

They don't. She has access to a family computer, that's all she needs.

It depends on whether you can afford it or not.If you can't, then of course you're not being mean to not buy it.

Going hakves with her mother sounds like a good idea, especially if you bought her a wii and all that goes with that last year!

get a second hand one and put a pretty bow on it

Thanks all, some really helpful comments there. It's so useful to get comments from another point of view, mn is brilliant!!

I'd only repeat the comments here, such as its your money so its up to you how to spend it! Sharing costs also a good idea, or maybe asking the dsd to contribute herself - this is what a chum of mine does with her own kids. They save up pocket money and if they want something expensive, they have to pay towards it.
However one comment of my own I'd chip in, is to say sharing a house computer is also a good way of keeping an eye on what your kids are doing online. Although I'm sure my dsk's are better than me with the PC (by miles..)

My DD (only 9.5) got a laptop this year for Christmas .... she does use it a lot (and not only for playing and surfing), and I thought it was a brilliant idea (as opposed to giving her many little presents which end up in the cupboard shortly after Christmas).

I obviously couldn't afford it on my own, so our entire family (both sides) was asked whether they wished to contribute (uncles, aunties, grandparents, etc.).