Am still in shock!

[PeppermintJunkie]

Hoping someone can help with this...

Have been a step-parent for a number of years to a child who I have treated as my own, and overnight the child has basically turned on me?!?!

I have a social work background working with children with behavioural issues but being on the other side of this I'm finding it hard to understand why this is suddenly happening.

There have been many issues over the years with his biological mother as to her parenting and general lifestyle which have raised problems as to attention problems but for a long while we felt that he had finally arrived in a stable environment (other than ours).

Deep down I know that this is the child craving attention from one parent and using whatever excuse they can drag up to get such attention, but as I say, I'm in shock. The child has always come to me in times of crisis as the child trusts me implicitly and there have been no serious issues to suggest that the child could've been upset to such a degree to implement me in not wanting to visit any more.

HELP!!!!!

P.S. Sorry if I've been a little vague in this posting, but it's my first time!

Hmm, don't know, biological children also turn on their parents when they hit teens and this could actually be a good sign, in that she feels confident enough of your love that she feels "safe" to turn on you.

That's a positive reading though...

Thanks for replying Mrsjammi..

As I said, I apologise for the vagueenss of the post but I'm still a tad new to this sort of thing.

The child has never used me to take his frustrations out on before (albeit the usual toddler tantrums but nothing like this), if anything the child comes to me when he 'hates' his father or 'hates' his mother the same.

The problem underlying in this situation is that the childs' dad is behaving as solidly as he can with regard to the childs behaviour in that during past experiences, when the child has spoken badly of the mother we have both stood together and told the child it isn't right to do so...unfortunately the child's mother isn't so keen on doing the same. This is NOT a united front which quite frankly I feel is desperately needed, and I'm running out of ideas as to how to secure this childs future mental health as at the moment it's bordering (ok cut to the chase..it just IS) on Parental Alienaton FULL STOP!

sorry, had to google parental alienation. Am I right then in saying that you are saying that one parent is attempting to brainwash the child into rejecting the other parent?

my source

P.S...thanks to the rest for posting so far, the child is in primary school so it's not teenage hormones to blame I'm afraid .

I'd like to agree with the idea that the child feels safe enough with me that they could turn on me, however this is totally out of character, I might have understood if there had been a pattern of bad behaviour towards me but nothing has changed. I discipline where discpline is called for and with permission from the childs father which is why it's making all this so incredibly frustrating to understand.

The child's father is convinced that given past experience with the childs mother, that the child has given her one little bit of ammunition to use against me and she's turned it ten-fold to take me out of the equation

Heqet..

It's what we're fearing I'm afraid, as I said, I have a background in Social Work and all that goes with it, and there's too many bells ringing for our liking

With your background, you surely have a slight advantage though? What can you do in this situation. Or rather, what would a social worker do / advise in this situation?

I'm a social worker, and wouldn't advise in this situation. I would refer the child/family on to an expert in child behaviour like a psychologist.

Your step child is clearly in the midst of a situation they are finding complex and confusing. Personally, I would get some advice from a psych about how you and the child's father can conduct yourselves that will help the child - also strategies for you to keep your calm in this emotionally heightened situation.

Thank you CBTS....

This is what I have suggested, but unfortunately my partner is reluctant to do so in the event that the mother of the child refuses to allow to the child such an appointment, although I have explained that once a professional is contacted, they must investigate the same regardless of whether one parent or the other objects.

If there's any other advice you could offer given your background, I would be grateful xx