Am I being unfair?

[fantasticfour]

My partner's ex seems to not think that just basic care of their kids is important. They stay here regularly and we notice they're often not overly clean (their clothes are but not them themselves) - DSD said that the only times he has a bath is at our place. Today once we'd got them home, he took off his coat and was only wearing a t shirt, so we hunted round to find warmer things for him. This morning they and ex said that the only thing they'd had to eat was a tube of sweets each, and they didn't want lunch as they were too full up.

The maintenance is more than enough to cover all clothing requirements and to keep them clean and well fed. At the moment we both just want to have the kids here all the time, just so we know we're at least giving them the basics.

I've almost finished raising my own kids, and I know that everyone has different standards - am I being unfair to think that their mum isn't doing her job properly?

Mumsnet is certainly full of double standards ... my DD was only allowed 1 (ONE) shower a week when she was at her Dad's ... because stepmum thought that was sufficient (she doesn't shower her two more often than that).

When I requested for DD to at least be allowed to use the bidet once a day to clean her privates (after several infections, for which a GP was consulted), I was called controlling.

I don't think kids if mainly indoors need a daily bath or shower, but restricting it to 1 a week seems odd. Hot water isn't that expensive. My kids do alot of sport so if their dad only let them shower once a week they wouldn't be going there very often. Luckily he is also sporty and a frequent showerer.
I think refusing to let anyone bathe more than weekly if you aren't living somewhere with a water shortage is controlling.

That's terrible, Kape - they were actually preventing her from using the bidet? Were they in the bathroom with her? (Which is what my DSS's mother does with baths although not even she does it with toilet visits anymore - she justs hides the loo roll so she can make sure they use the right number of sheets)

She had no idea what a bidet was for because nobody ever explained it to her! I am not sure whether they go to the bathroom with her or not ... all I know is that usually all three girls were having a bath (in one tub) once a week. My ex (who, strangely enough, used to shower twice a day) said that they were of the opinion that that was sufficient.

Given the fact that I kept sending her back with prescription drugs in order to treat her infections he obviously saw sense and now she was shown what the "biddy" is for (and so were the other two girls).