Help Please? Can Anything be Done?

[midori1999]

I'll try and keep it brief, but I apologise if this gets long...

I have a SS aged 12 and a SD aged 17 who live with their Mum. I also have three children of my own who live with me. My husband and I have been married almost two years, together for almost six, and his ex wife left him thre years before I met him.

The problem is, we now live in Northern ireland, due to my husband's job, and his ex and kids live in England. It is hard for my husband to see his children, as their mother will not allow them to come on a plane by themselves (she says no responsible parent would)which means my husband has to go and collect them, then take them back, which is obviously expensive and time consuming, so makes it harder to see them.

There are various other (complicated, so won't go into here!) issues, and all of it has now meant I srongly suggested to my husband that he visit the children at Christmas, as this is the only time he has been able to see them since the summer holidays, and he doesn't know when he'd next see them otherwise. My children are spending Christmas witht heir Dad, so it means I am spending Christmas on my own, which I don't mind, but it's obviously not ideal. His ex will nevr allow the children to visit or stay for Christmas or New Year.

I have read about contact orders etc and wondered if anything can be done to force her to put the children on a plane or to make it easier for him to see him. (the airline offer a 'chaperone' service to under 14's) Obviously it is difficult due to the children's age, as they are likely to be aware of what is happening.

Any advice is very welcomed, my husband just wants to see his children properly. Thankyou.

What a shame the ex won't let them fly on their own. And she won't let them come for christmas even if he flys over to "collect" them? Hellfire that's mean.

Don't know anything about the legals but I would be surprised if there isn't anything that could be done to push this. Especially as the eldest is 17.

You are great making him go and see them. Make sure they know how much you both want them to come to yours, and that one day it will happen.

Am sure someone will be along with more advice.

My DD (now 9) has been on a plane on her own since she turned 5 (the earliest they are allowed under the UM (unaccompanied minor)scheme). She's still alive, and we never, ever had a single problem. Funnily enough, the only time I witnessed a problem on a UM scheme was when I volunteered to sit next to two crying kids (about 5 and 7) who were flying out to see their father ... they told me Mum had taken all their toys away and they wouldn't get any new ones because Daddy wasn't paying her enough.

I think your problem is rather going to be the age of the kids ... especially the 17-year old. In principle they are old enough to make up their own minds ... and obviously old enough to give their opinion in a court of law. What would their answer be if they were asked?

Thankyou. I would also let my oldest two get on a plane to visit their Dad. (youngest is five but has Downs, so obviously that's a little different)

I am pretty sure she's doing it just to be awkward, tbh. There are a LOT of other things going on, and this is just part of it. The 17 year old has some very real problems,(putting herself on webcam to men (I am sure you can imagine) when she knows her Mum will find out, self harming, bulimia) amongst others. She has recently told her Mum she doesn't want to come here anymore as she thinks (we didn't, it was a conversation between my DS! and step son!) we asked her brother to come and live here, but not her and she thinks I don't like her. All part of the reason I insisted my husband went over at Christmas, as I know it will mean a lot to his children.

So things are very complicated, not helped byt he fact the 17 year old is 'babied' by her Mum. For example, she has a car, but had it 'confiscated' for bad behaviour. Is 'grounded' regularly still an dhas her mobile phone confiscated etc. So, although a 17 year old would usually make up her own mind, I don't think that is the case here.

Obviously my husband and I are very concerned about the children.

Thankyou. I suspected there wouldn't be much that could be done.

Thanks for the support mrsjammi. I just want what is best for my stepchildren, and they wwere thrilled to find out their Dad would be spending Christmas with them. Unfortunately, my SD has got it into her head (I doubt her Mum has discouraged the thought) that their Dad has 'movedon' and isn't interested in them anymore, so hopefully this will help make her realise he does care about them deeply.

I can't go over with him as we have three dogs, plus other pets that need looking after. I'll be fine, I'm abig girl. A couple of friends have invited me round, but I am just going to stay at home and take the opportunity to relax.