Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

More support needed for Step-parents?

6 replies

NonnoMum · 04/12/2009 23:00

Have been reading quite a few of the step parenting threads, some going way back, some more recent, and just have the feeling that step parenting (like all parenting!) is very hard. Do you think there should be more support for step-parents? For instance, when you have a newborn, Health Visitors etc are always available/in touch to check how things are going, the baby is thriving, you don't have PND etc. However, if a step child comes to live with you (as has recently happened to me) - there is no immediate support or even acknowledgement that this might create extra challenges and tensions for a family.
I hope I am fairly reasonable and calm and am grateful that my teenage step son is pretty good. However, I still don't know where to turn for advice/off loading.(I also acknowledge that HE must have very mixed feelings to both his natural parents and their new partners) When you have natural children, people don't just dismiss your parenting grumbles as "you knew what you were getting into when you married him" (I didn't - weekends and holidays are very different from a child choosing to come and live with us and our toddlers). I feel relatively OK being a step parent but I think about a quarter (??) of all children are going to grow up in step families, and second marriages have less success than first etc that I think some sort of "How you doing?" visit or meeting from Health or Social Services might go a long way?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mrsjammi · 06/12/2009 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KaPe · 07/12/2009 09:41

I think Mrs Jammi is right saying it starts with the divorcing/separating parents.

Blended families will always have to face their very specific problems, however, if a resonable residence/contact arrangement and a meaningful relationship between a child and both parents was guaranteed than this would allow the blended family to focus on their specific problems.

Maybe mandatory parenting classes in contested cases would be beneficial???

NonnoMum · 07/12/2009 21:42

Thank you both for your comments and input. Everyone has a very different experience of "blended families" but the common thread seems to be that step parenting is probably harder than parenting your own children as the natural bond is not immediately there. I feel that if I were DSS FOSTER mother, rather than step mother, I would be able to access advice and counselling.
In my case one thing is I'm not sure how Mumsy/strict/supportive I'm supposed to be. For instance how do I support a teenager whose mother hasn't bought him a birthday present in the two years he has lived with us?

OP posts:
mrsjammi · 08/12/2009 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wkdstepmother · 14/12/2009 15:23

I wish there was a manual on Step-parenting! But even the largest 'tome' could not prepare you for the feelings you experience, the hostility from the exes, the 'brattishness' of the step kids, the parents mollycoddling their darlings with blinkers on!

Tootingbec · 15/12/2009 11:01

I have only just found this forum and I just want to say THANK GOD!!! I have no friends who have step children and so they just don't get it! I thought it was just my SD who was brattish, adored and over indulged by her father, hostile and rude to me at times. I get a sinking feeling when I know it is one of her weekends because I feel like I become a 3rd wheel in my own house.

And then there is the guilt as she is a really sweet girl (most of the time) and we actually have a pretty strong relationship (helped that she has a very stable loving homelife with her mum)and yet I spend a lot of time wishing she would go away so that I could concentrate my husbands attention and energy to "our" daughter. I dread the day she decides she wants to come and live with us.....shoot me down in flames!!!

Anyway - it is so good to hear other step parents who have the same experience and feelings as me. It makes me realise I am not some evil bad person for having these thoughts.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page