Hi Guys
Hope you are all well. As some of you will remember dp and dss moved out for a little while in the summer, when I was about twenty weeks pregnant to give me a break from the relentless financial pressure (dp is a student teacher so I am the breadwinner and we had dss fifty percent minimum so I had taken him on as well which was pretty tough when my contract got cut in the recession). Dss is and was also very challenging (which is to be expected when your whole life is in near constant upheaval) and we had discovered at the time that dss mother, my partners ex was off work with severe depression after breaking up with her partner, which was impacting on the lad heavily.
Since then we continued to spend at least one day or evening together "as a family" once a week to keep consistency and try to enjoy one another without the financial pressure or forced "parenting" affecting things. This worked really well and things settled enough that when I went into hospital with the pregnancy a couple of weeks ago dp moved back in.
The problem started in the summer. Dps ex seemed to get a little bit, clingy, I suppose is the right word. She started texting him for any reason, calling constantly (we will be in bed at eleven thirty and the phone will go for something totally random). At first I just warned him to be careful - she isnt in a good place and he needed to make sure that his attempts at friendship werent being interpreted as anything else. But I didnt take it too seriously - they cant divorce as parents and if they got on dss is happier which makes my life easier.
This started to escalate in October. She had started calling his mum without his knowledge and taking her out. Again he expressed his dislike of this but let it go provided his son was happy. Then she got it into her head that her impending plastic surgery was going to kill her and started to rant at dp about how he should only have fifty percent custody WHEN she dies, not if, with messages that are pages and pages long turning up in the middle of the night. This resulted in a huge argument caused by her at his mothers, in front of dss where she actually said to her six year old "when I die who do you want to live with"??? Also at about this time no matter how many times dp told her he was still with me, every time I got mentioned she would say something like "oh are you back with her - well it isnt serious is it?" - no I am just heavily pregnant with his child love.
In the last couple of weeks, since he moved back in things are blowing up really quickly and to be honest I am now a little bit frightened. I am due to give birth any day now but since she found out he had moved back in here she has seriously not stopped calling and texting constantly. It started when he asked to change his custody days. She refused at first sending abusive texts, then when we said that fine I would look after him while dp worked she went off about how I was a risk? to her son and he couldnt be on his own with me as he is uncomfortable - which is true by the way - dss has never quite settled with me as he really wants his mum and dad to get back together and she told him that because I was with daddy he didnt want her anymore.
If it was just that I could almost cope with it but its gone well beyond that. She phones to abuse me constantly. I wont take her calls, so she starts pretending to want to sort things out with dp, then within minutes the streams of ranting about me begin - crazy accusations, insisting that she is more important to him because they got married, and wierd comments about who and what I am, followed up with nasty names and insinuations that lead to dp just putting the phone down. To give you an example, I knew them both for years before dp and I got together and apparently I engineered the end of their marraige, stalked them from the day one (I lived in three hundred miles away for four years and only spoke to dp once in that time?) then not again when my son was born for three years - we didnt get back in touch AT ALL until he was already seperated. Apparently despite having NEVER been involved in anything criminal or illegal in my life I am dangerous and violent. I dont even have a parking ticket.
But the worst of it is that she is actively trying to persuade dp to leave me and has hired a solicitor to try and force it saying that custody was fine till he moved in here and my "temperemant" is the problem. So now we have legal letters slating me with no proof, no basis and no examples, turning up at the house!!!
I have my own happy balanced kids, I work really hard and she was happy to let me raise and pay for her son for nearly a year with no interruption, including his birthday and christmas day last year. Boxing day she came over and had tea with us. Their divorce was a blow to her and I understand that - she tried to stop it going through but surely I dont have to take this. The constant calls, slander and abuse in my own home are now really getting me down and I dont know how much longer i can cope for.
I have asked dp to not talk to her anymore and not to engage over it and he is calling a mediator today but it wont stop her. This seems to be nothing to do with her son, it is about me, its all she talks about - how she is a better mum and blah blah and the only way I can describe it is to liken it to the people on tv convicted of stalking who genuinly believe they have a relationship with the person they have been following around.
To make it even more worrying, we spoke to her ex partner, who contacted us as he isnt allowed to see thier son any more - she has also been following his parents around and sitting outside of his house, and tried to insist he had a twin brother noone knew about who was standing in for him whilst he went off to cheat with ALL of her friends, which is why they arent together any more. Once he left her over this(at about the same time as dp and I took some space) she banned him from seeing their child and is now trying to do the same to dp. She wont even let him talk to dss without her present and whispers what to say in his ear.
So sorry for the VERY long message, but I am just sitting here in tears wondering what has to happen to make her knock it off. This woman is showing signs of instability beyond anything I can imagine and I want it to stop - do I have to take this in my own home - last night I just told her to fxxk off and put the phone down as after twenty four hours of listening to it and trying to have some nice time putting the tree up I couldnt take anymore but today dp has said it is starting again already (he has turned his phone off). I dont want to cause more problems with access for dss but I really, really cant take any more abuse, harrasment and implied threats about making stuff up to tell social services to win the court case. The stress is keeping me up at night and dp is miserable and jumpy at the post and every time the phone rings, but for obviuous reasons desperately wants to be there for his son. I just want to have our baby in peace and enjoy what should be a special and peaceful time and I cant because of this harrassment - have any of you experienced this - how do you cope? Jammi, Elenor or surfer, I know you all had problems - any ideas at all??
Help.