Appropriate present

[KaPe]

Hi stepmums,

Some of you might have read my previous threads (I am actually the mum, not a stepmum) ... situation hasn't improved at all, but this is not the reason for this post ...

Ex is going to turn 50 at the end of the week ... when we separated he never took any baby photos of little one as he was too busy starting his new life and "didn't have time" to make a choice. Little one hasn't been invited to attend his birthday, but made him a card and a present ... a photo frame with a selection of six photos of her and her father during her first two years. None of the photos includes me.

Is this appropriate, or am I going to provoke SM yet again because she wasn't part of this?

Well it wouldn't provoke me, but then I had photos of dsd and dh up round the house anyway, and we had a photo album of his time with her mum that we all used to look at together. I always wanted dsd to know that I had no problem with her mum and any talk about dh and her mum or their time as a family wasn't a taboo suject.

What I used to find was anything I did provoked a reaction in dsd's mum. Even breathing . And maybe that's going to be the case with your ex's partner, I don't know.

I think all you can do is examine your own intention and the sentiment that goes with it. If you're thinking "Ha! This'll wind her up" and do something because of that then I'd think again. But if with her out of the picture it's a gift you would give or a gesture you would make anywa then go ahead - if she reacts that's her "stuff" and not your problem.

I am a bit between a rock and a hard place. ANYTHING would wind them up ... including not sending a present at all.

I can honestly not think of any present whatsoever that would be met with their approval ... on the other hand, little one is bound to get yet another nasty text if we don't send a present and a card.

Obviously I am not included in any of the photos (not even partly), and I also don't sign the card.

If it was up to me I'd not send him anything ...

And yes, I am not to be mentioned at their house ... her two stepsisters (7 and 9) had no idea until recently that DD actually had "another" mummy, as they call it.

I think it's a lovely gift too. And I agree, if it's what you dd has chosen then go ahead. Like I said before, if your intention is good then don't worry - just detach from any reaction they may have.

Urgghh - no. Thats his daughters present which is lovely and if sm or ex get shirty about it its a disgrace and says more about them then you.

Thank you ladies, I did send it off. Will go into hiding now.

I had sent the present two days ago, special delivery to ensure it got there given the strikes. Sender's name was my daughter's.

Just tracked the item on the website .... her present is being returned to sender. I can only hope and pray that it doesn't come whilst I'm not at home!

I am fuming!