Also have a problem with my SD (8) who is also a bully, but it's a complex one because on the surface of it, she claims SHE is the one who is being bullied, and does this act very convincingly indeed, with the sad face and wide eyes...
However, on drilling down with her in a casual way what it is that's actually happened, the conversation can go (this is the last one) like this - in precis:
SHE: i have to sit next to that horrid girl X during maths. I hate her.
ME: Do you? So why's she horrid?
SHE: well, she's got red hair. and she bullies me.
ME: oh, really? what did she do to you?
SHE: I don't know. she just does. She's horrid.
ME: well can you give me an example?
SHE: well she just kept saying the same thing over and over again about what we have to do. it really gets on my nerves. and when i sit with Y and Z they let me copy their sums. But X won't.
ME: Aha. so then what happened?
SHE: i told her - do you have to keep saying that? just shut up saying it will you.
ME: oh.
SHE: and then she said i was being mean to her.
ME: and?
SHE: well that's not very nice, is it?
ME: darling, i think you need to think very carefully about who's not being nice to who here.
SHE: (furious face and tight voice) you hate me don't you? everybody hates me. Nobody cares about me at all. etc etc
ME: oh dear...
SHE: (stomps upstairs in fury and tears)
There are variations on the theme, but it all usually boils down to her being mean to another little girl, and then when they react to it negatively, as they will, thinking that she is the one being bullied...
I've also listened in to her playing with other girls, in secret, when she's had playdates too, and not liked at all what I've overheard when she thinks grownups aren't listening ... but as soon as a grownup is around she suddenly becomes little miss cute, her voice goes up a few registers and down a few years, and she turns on the 'sweetness' full force ... it really saddens me.
It's a terrible shame, as basically she can be and often is a lovely girl, but unfortunately due to her being dragged from pillar to post between her parent's separation and her mother's alcoholism, she's early learned some not very nice and very manipulative ways of behaving.
I've had long chats with her about this but none of it seems to have sunk in so far - or she'll be all contrite and say she doesn't want to behave like that, only to start it up again as if nothing has happened - am I expecting too much to think she ought to have some self-awareness about this at 8 years old?