Full time step mums in London?

[SpringBlossom]

Hi, I'm a F/T step mum living in London and I'd be really keen to meet other step mums in the same situation! At the end of a very long summer holiday I am totally frazzled -which I know is the same for non-step mums but I suspect it has a extra special frazzledness when you are not a child's biological mother and a lot of the time you are carried through the stress by the fact you love your partner so much!

I have two step children - aged 10 and 12. They see their mum for one night in fourteen. They are generally pretty good kids (and I love them both) but being a FT step mum to someone else's children is a peculiar situation and I'd be very keen to chat to/possibly meet other step-mums in the same situation. There are OFTEN times when I want to pull my hair out and I know it would help if I could rant to someone else in the same situation who would understand just what it's like.

Nb I don't have any children of my own!

I'm not in London but I do understand your frustration . I have two very lovely DSSs (and a DD), and much as I enjoy their company, I am often pretty glad to see the back of them too! Doing chores and upbringing for two teenage boys who are not my own can be very, very wearing.

I'm London based F/T SM. My DSD is 8 yrs old and like you I haven't got children of my own (yet).

Hi both, good to hear from you. Really interested to know a) what you find most difficult (or indeed best!) about being a F/T stepmum and what sort of time your stepchildren spend with their BM - and is that a good or a bad thing?!

Hi, I'm in Sussex and a F/T stepmum to DSD 8yrs old.

She sees her mum 3 hrs once a fortnight in a contact centre. If she didn't live with us she'd be in care now. It's very sad. I just can't understand how her mother could choose booze over a little girl....

DSD has a lot of behavioural and emotional and developmental issues due to her random upbringing. Quite often she is simply not a nice girl to be around. It is uphill work.

Sometimes the good in her shines through and she can be loving and friendly and helpful and it's all good, but unfortunately more often than not I could weep with anger and frazzled frustration. It's been a long long long school holidays...

Kids can be hard enough work when they are your own I hear, but as a stepmum you don't have that natural bond of unconditional love to see you through the times they are being brats, and sometimes I have to pretend those feelings as best I can.

I do wish her mum would clean up her act so that we could at least share the parenting....

forgot to add, i have no children of my own. tried a long time but failed

Ahhh MrsHibbins - I feel like I could fall on you weeping with relief to have found a fellow traveller on the road. Whilst not quite at the contact centre stage, my SKs BM is fairly challenged in many ways and once a fortnight is probably more than enough. My SD has a lot of issues as a result of her mother leaving - and her subsequent monumentally selfish behaviour towards her daughter. It makes what would already be a trying situation that much harder. I know what you mean about sometimes SD not being that pleasant to be around - and it's so hard to deal with that emotion. I love my SS unconditionally but sometimes I struggle to even like my SD, after the 50th time she has treated me with the deepest contempt. Maybe all 12 year olds are like that (although I suspect not) but as you say there isn't that biological love to carry you through.

I too am coming to terms with the fact I won't be having any children of my own. I lost a baby mid term last October and have since been told I can't have a baby. I'm still working it through in my mind. SKs BM is now pregnant again... due virutally one year on from the day I lost my baby. I swear she did it on purpose.... (and sadly that's not a joke)

when you are a F/T stepmum i think you have to be not just human but superhuman to carry it all off. and sometimes I fail miserably and react to all the button pushing and find myself just wanting to run away because this wasn't what i signed up for when i got into this relationship ... but you have to try so so so hard to be mother effing theresa and remember that these kids need extra help and tlc, and that fate has for the time being doled this out to you ... it's not their fault. it's a situation that has to be dealt with the best grace possible. it can be hellishly hard.

So sorry about your MC springblossom, the same thing happened to me too, followed by ... nothing. Then followed by 2 failed IVFs. Don't think I'll ever quite get over it TBC ... it's grim isn't it...

Hi springblossom,

i also live in london, and i am a FT SM to 2 children, and have 2 children of my own from my first marriage. I would love to set up a support groups for other step-parents out there who at times want to tear their hair out. A way that we can all support each other and give each other strength through what is a very difficult situation to take onboard.

Hi Rica,

Good to hear from you. Whereabouts are you based? I'm in West London. My steps are 12 and 10; my SD will be a teenager in the spring although she acts about 15 most of the time already (groan). How old are your steps? And indeed your own children?

I frequently want to tear my hair out - I had PMT this weekend which happened to coincide with my SD deciding to be really difficult, demanding, lippy and generally misery inducing. It all seemed so awful on Sunday morning I didn't think I could stand another minute. Somehow I got through it and today it seems ok again. I reckon I am operating on a 60/40 ratio - it's bearable
-> ok 60% of the time, horrendous 40%. Mind you that's a huge improvement on year one when it was 95% horrendous/5% bearable!

full time step mum and desoerate to meet others, Have FIVE teenagers in the house. Am I mad