Any mums here? Need advice on embarrassing situation

[foolio]

Hi, I'm looking for honest advice on my situation.

Been with my DP 2.5 years. He's nearly divorced and we're hoping to move on together.

His marriage ended 4 years ago, his wife left him. She had an affair. The affair ended 2 years ago. She then decided she wanted DP back. He didn't want her back and told her he'd met someone else.

DP has a DD. I think she's 8, not sure. I've never met her.

DP's wife will not let me meet her. Although we want to move on with our lives, the fact that I haven't met his DD is an obvious barrier to doing so, and now we're just drifting aimlessly along.

He doesn't want to upset his wife. He wants her permission for me to meet DD.

What if she never gives her permission?

How much longer should I give this?

Is anyone else in this position?

Thanks for reading this

[Heated]

2.5 yrs is a long time to be on the periphery of someone's life; people meet, marry and have children in less time. He's hardly going all out to make this work is he? He seems very closed off to discussing anything of significance. If I was your sister of friend, I'd be urging you to walk away.

[foolio]

his wife has indeed threatened to cease contact/move home (she's from Ireland), and one more than one occassion, take her own life, if he either divorced her or introduced me to her.

She's had mental health problems in the past so I could see the need to wait a while.

However I can see now that even with these problems, it's my DP's attitude that is the barrier to us moving on. And yes, it's a long time to be with someone without knowing if they're cut out for that sort of life.

I'm taking a few days away so won't be posting till I'm back. Need to get things straight in my own mind.

[Rindercella]

Hi again foolio.

I am quite shocked by your DP's behaviour tbh. Have you ever spoken to his ex? Is all of what you have written...won't allow you to see their DD; her calling you a bitch, whore, etc.; that she ended the marriage through having an affair; that she has mental health problems; etc, coming from your partner's mouth?

I am quite honestly wondering how truthful he is being to you. It all sounds highly dubious to me. You have been with the man for 2.5 years, yet have never spent a weekend with him. You don't know anything about his daughter, not even her age or how frequently he sees her.

I would be seriosuly questioning what I was getting out of this relationship if I were you and also questioning how trutful 'DP' was being.

Sorry.

[ChocHobNob]

Good luck with it xxx

[BroodyChook]

Rindercella makes a very good point.

[foolio]

Hi, this is my last post today, leaving soon.

Not all of this came from DP....he has two sisters in law who are still very close to his wife, and they told me everything. I know they shouldn't have but who doesn't spill their guts after a lot to drink?

DP reluctantly confirmed everything about her illness and her refusal to let me meet their DD.

He didn't know about the name calling.

He found out about the affair from his sister in law. His wife told her about it, and she told DP.

[foolio]

sorry very last post. I've never spoken to his ex.

She goes round to see the sisters in law to see what information she can get out of them about me. Luckily they haven't told her anything. If she turned up at my work or something I think I would die of embarrassment.

[JonAndHateTheDailyMail]

Sounds like he could be living a double life. Wouldn't be surprised if his wife thought they were happily married.

Are you sure he even has a daughter? That would explain him being so cagey about it...

Sorry, I know that sounds awful but his behaviour is pretty odd.

[JonAndHateTheDailyMail]

Oh sorry, didn't see your post before last!

[Dominique07]

Wow I'm really sorry, 2.5 yrs is long enough to know if the relationship is serious.

You haven't spent a wkend together???
He doesn't tell U about DD???

It does indeed sound as if you're drifting along aimlessly. If these sisters felt they should tell you some of the facts, maybe they're trying to get you to wise up to the fact that even though you've dedicated 2 and a half yrs to this relationship, he is still not putting you anywhere near first.

Sorry if this sounds horrible, you probably are quite in love and have a great time together, however do you have to put up with him being quite so rude as to refuse to talk to you about these important and rudimentary facts that affect your relationship?