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Step-parenting

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How far is normal behaviour?

5 replies

kittynik · 29/05/2009 14:35

hello

I am new to this site, and have resorted to the internet for any help I can find as I can't find any anywhere else. I am a relitivly new step mother with 2 children from my previous relationship, and a new one with my new husband, I am stepmother to an 8 year old boy, to begin with our relationship was a little rocky but nothing that I was not expecting this is not an easy time for any one, I have tried my hardest to form a bond with him with out being too pushy but he has decided that there will be no peace in the house.

It all came to a head this morning at 3.30am when I heard noise down stairs and came down to find him stealing food from the kitchen again, upon questioning my husband and I have discovered that he was doing this long before I arrived, but he has upped his efforts recently in a bid to cause arguments between my self and my husband, we have been told that he should be enough for his father that no other company should be needed.

In addition to all the stealing and lieing that we have had from him we have also discovered that he is hitting my 2 children, I am really stuck here as I removed us all from an abusive situation with thier birth father, my daughter suffering the most at his hands, but again seems to be bearing the brunt of it agian.

I know that there is usually some adjustment time, and I feel that I have been very patient as he has had a year to settle in to life as it is now, even if not fully at least going some way towards it, and yet it feels like we are moving further and further away from any thing like a family.

All in all our house is a happy one, unfortunatly my stepson will not let it be while he is in it, unless in his own word I buy him things.

I don't think I could include everything that has been happening aside from the fact that I would not be able to see through the tears that it causes thinking about it all it would take me an age to write, we are so stuck we don't know which way to turn.

OP posts:
mrsjammi · 29/05/2009 16:44

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kittynik · 29/05/2009 19:34

the children are;
stepson 8
daughter 4
son 2
baby 6 weeks

as we live in a 3 bedroom house my stepson and son share a room and my daughter has a tiny room own her own, baby in a cot in our room.

we have been living in the same house for a year now.

we would like to get a bigger house but this will take time there is nothing we can do about this rigt now.

OP posts:
Haribosmummy · 29/05/2009 20:09

Is the new baby a boy, by any chance?

I wonder if your DSS feels like he will be excluded (he is, after all, the only child who isn't yours)...

How is his relationship with his mum?

You have 3 bedrooms.. It's obvious that you and your DH need one.. Your DD (by the sounds of it) has the smallest room anyway, so that puts pressure on the boys room (it's not long before your baby is going to need more space)

I don't understand the significance of stealing food.. Is he eating it or hiding it? Either way, it strikes me more as a cry for attention?

mrsjammi · 29/05/2009 20:17

This reply has been deleted

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kittynik · 30/05/2009 16:12

thanks I do not feel that you are "having a go" our situation may be a little different to most as my stepson is with us permenantly there is no mother. I do understand that there was no way that this was going to be smooth sailing right from the start, and I realise that there are always going to be battles, but that is children not just stepchildren.

As for giving my stepson his own room he point blank refuses to leave the big bed room and have the little room (which is tiny) so share it he has to.

The stealing is not because he is hungry, it is always treats, sweets and crisps, that sort of thing that he is taking he stole half a pot of golden suryp last night which he added sugar to, there is plenty of food around the kitchen and in the fridge, I am in no doubt that this is attention seeking but it cannot see why as he gets one to one attention from both of us more so than the others as bed time is later than the other two.

yes the baby is a boy, and yes I thought jelousy at first, but I am not sure that it is after talking to him he genuinally seems to adore him.

we never argue in front of the kids, we rarely argue anyway but we agreed right at the start of our relationship that we would wait till the kids were out the way and then address anything that is bothering us, if we need to address it straight awayb we go and calmly and quietly discuss it in another room.

I thank you for your input it is greatly appreciated we are feeling a little less lost having read some of the stuff on here

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