How do I get DP to realise his daughter's behaviour is not on?

[Lithium]

I have a 12 year old DSD. Most of the time she is a great kid and I have no problem with her, we get on great but some of the stuff she does ... she needs to stop IMO but DP just laughs it off all the time.

The main issue is with the cats. She grabs them, handles them really roughly, forces them to sit on her and then squeezes them really tight when they try to move, she locks them in her bedroom so they can't escape ... if they run behind the sofa to get away from her she pulls them out by their tale etc...

It really winds me up and they have gone for her before today. When they do scratch her she throws them and then says they need 'punishing' so will lock them in her room for hours.

DP just laughs and says "poor cats". I have said to him "one of these days, those cats are going to turn and make a complete mess of her" and he says "I know, I tell her she's too rough with them" and thats it!

I tell my own kids off for it but he just lets her get away with it. They're her cats and she has always treat them that way so it's not going to go down well if I start laying the law down.

What would you do?

I personally would lay down the law. I can't stand any cruelty to cats and she by the sounds of it is being cruel.

You are dead right here, no way any person should be allowed to get away with behaving like that. You need to be very firm with dh (what on EARTH does he think he's doing?) and with dsd. Lay down the law - if she is cruel to the cats, they will be re-homed.

Does dsd live with you, btw? If she stays at weekends, perhaps you could tell her the cats will be staying somewhere else unless she learns to behave.

Being allowed to get away with cruelty to animals is a very, very bad lesson for children, btw. Dh should think about his responsibilities both to the cats AND to his dd.

they may be 'her' cats but you are the adults, btw. And the RSPCA would take a very dim view of any adult owner who behaved like this or allowed their children to behave like this.

I would absolutely lay down the law. Sit them both down and tell them in no uncertain terms.I would make it plain that you are serious and if they laugh it off you will call the RSPCA and have the cats rehomed.

I'm not a 'cat' person, but this behaviour is not on.

She is being horrible to the animals. End.

Your stepdaughter isn't the problem, your partner is. I really wouldn't want to live with a bloke who treated animals like this/ let his children treat animals badly, and I'm not a pets person. Have you just moved in with them that this is only now bothering you if they are her cats, or do you live elsewhere and he's more boyfriend than partner? I'd be inclined to move out if partner won't insist all pets are treated nicely, otherwise this will be a source of irritation for years and you'll end up with no respect for either of them.

I do worry about children who enjoy being cruel to animals.

Strikes me as odd behaviour for a 12 year old.

Cruelty to animals in children of her age suggests something quite badly wrong with the child (small children sometimes hurt or mishandle animals but don't really mean it/understand what they are doing but 12 is old enough to know that it's not good behaviour). How good is her father at respecting people and animals?

How close are you to the cats? If it didn't upset you too much I would be thinking about having them rehomed?

Is there anything else going on for her? Does she live with you? Where's her mum and what is she like with animals?

Your partner is so far out of order it is untrue! As has been said cruelty to animals in a child is a worrying sign, often indicitive of severe inner turmoil. However even if you can find a reason for it, it is still not acceptable. Her father should be laying down the law, the fact that he is not and is laughing just indicates to her that it is ok really.

If I were you I would be telling your dh and dsd that the behaviour stops or you will call the RSPCA and deliver the cats to them yourself. Bear in mind that, if the RSPCA become involved because a cat gets injured or someone else sees it happening then it will be you who is held responsible along with her father.

i have been in my reliship now for nearly 3 years,my partners daugher always rings her dad to do every thing for her and there is always fights over her, i just need to no if other people think like me cause i feel like he is havin an affair x

Jaylo, you need to start your own thread. :)

This abuse of the cats must stop. It is disgusting. You have to do something.

If she kills those cats it will be you and her dad who the RSPCA prosecutes.

Not that that should be the reason you act, of course. You should act because animals are being mistreated!

Haven't you lost respect for someone who can laugh when his child hurts animals?

Zombie thread, Hecate.

oh bloody hell.

it got me.

I was bloody furious an'all all irate about those poor little cats.

WHERE do people get these threads from? I mean, how do you pull up a thread from three bloody years ago?

I would give the RSPCA a ring and ask their advice as to whether they have any cat handling courses or pet handling courses as you feel your dsd is to rough with the cat.

Trying to get someone else in to the house to sit with her and teach her how to handle the cats may be easier than one of the family as she just ignores them.

Does she want them to sit on her lap as they are her cats? is it a jealously thing?

I think the thread title attracted jaylodancer, and she hasn't read the thread lr realised how MN works. Let's hope she gets the help she needs.

Yes. JAYLODANCER - hi. This is quite an old thread and you may not get the help you need because people may miss your post. If you click on 'start a new thread' towards the top of the page - under where it says Topics - then I am sure loads of people will see it and be able to help you