how to get your friends to show an interest in your "new family"?

[valleygirl]

I had a bit of a crisis of confidence in some of my friends last night. I sarted thinking that many of them just aren't making much of an effort to take an active role in that part of my life which involves my "new family" - ie my bf and his kids. And this is a huge part of my life now afterall.
Part of me thinks that it is totally normal, before they came into my life I wouldn't have been that interested in someone elses's kids either. However they have all seen how I have struggled to come to terms with things, and now that I am ok about the whole thing I'd really like them to make more of an effort. But I always find that the weekends are just a non-starter with many of them - as weekends for me involves the kids. So I have to see them during the week when the kids won't be in the equation.
Would things be any different if they were my natural children I wonder, is it kids in general they aren't interested in, or just these kids that happen not to be biologically mine?
Did any s/mums find a similar reaction from friends when they got together with their partners who had children?

I think it's just kids that are the problem for friends without kids - not step kids. I have both (own and steps) and some friends are into them and some aren't. The ones that aren't I see less (and less) of sadly. But I think we may be different ages (I am 35) so a lot of my friends are all breeding now anyway, so it's getting to be less of an issue. I can imagine, however, that if you and your friends are younger, not many of your contemporaries will have got to that age and stage yet? I can see it's difficult for you.
When I first met my dp his daughters were 9 and 11 which is a really lovely age and they were (still are under the raging hormones) very lovely children and all my friends loved them. However, they were older, less demanding and able to amuse themselves, not like your steps. He also had a toddler by another woman (she didn't want him, just a baby - another story all together) and if he had come to stay a lot when he was little, then I can imagine it would not have been so easy for me to have had a social life.

I know what you mean Valleygirl,
I met my step DD when she was very young, and when she was about 3years old, she started staying over with us (her Mum felt she was too young before this), that had an impact on our social life, of course, but friends just did not seem to get it(except the ones with kids).
We used to get comments like,"Can't you have her another time", or "Just tell her(the ex), it's not convenient". People, who just did not realise, how much DH looked forward to having his DD to stay, and that an evening with her, far outweighed their company.
DH was prevented from seeing his DD for a while, by his ex and had to take her to court. As he had no money for a solicitor he handled his own case. We bought family law books, and we spent alot of time prepareing cases and writting statements.
He initially applied for parental responsibility, contact on weekends and one day in the week, and at a later stage, over night staying contact.
He won every case he brought !!! Not one of our friends showed the least bit of interest !!!
One friend at one point commented, that wouldn't it be easier if he just gave up and never saw his DD again !!!

it's quite sad really isn't it, that friends can be supportive up to a certain point, and then lose interest - i'm actually 31, but a lot of my friends are people i met whilst travelling, and they are single and still living it up. i sometimes end up feeling really boring in comparison, when they've told me of their wild weekends, and i've spent another saturday night in with a video!! then again there's that other side of me which i so relieved that i don't have that kind of lifestyle (i don't know how they can afford it to start with) and i am happy to do that once in a while, but to do that week after week at our age seems rather shallow. so perhaps there is a lack of interest on both sides!
anyway i have made a decision to actively ask friends to meet my step kids and to test the waters in this way. having the kids has certainly made me more sensitive and empethetic to those friends of mine who are having babies, an dknowing how importatnt it is to keep in touch and make an effort to try and involve their kids in our socialising, and not making them feel guilty if they bring baby along.