teenage dss - wwyd?

[silverfrog]

Sorry if this is a bit long, but it's a bit involved.

We moved house recently, and in the process a few bits of furniture got damaged. removal firm ok about it, and agreed to repair. The furmiture (a chest of drawers, a bedside table and a dining chair) were collected, for re-French polishing.

it's half term, and we have dss (17) and dsd (19) staying with us. We normally get on very well, and they are good teens.

So, on Tuesday, the furniture ws due to be delivered back, in the early evening. dsd had arranged to meet a friend in town, and as the time drew near, it was obvious she was angling for a lift (we live a 20 min walk away from town). I did a quick calculation, and reckoned it would be ok time wise, and so said I would. dsd was panicking about not knowing the way and getting lost (not really possible, but she does have a few anxiety issues). my dd1 is autistic, so agreeing to the lift was a big thing, as leaving thehouse after dd1's tea and before bed is not in dd1's list of Things To Do (cue lots of screaming).

so anyway, furniture man arrives as we are on our way out (20 mins early), and I call dss to deal with it.

I arrive back form dropping dsd off literally as the furniture man was leaving, went in, and asked dss if all ok, and whether furniture restorer was happy, etc.

"oh yes, all fine. Furniture's in the right rooms" said dss, then disappeared up to his room.

Last night, dss came down with the news he had damaged his chest of drawers (the one jsut restored). He had been on the phone, and sat on the edge of it, and marked it. I thought he meant the odd scratch (he was wearing jeans, and I thought the studs might have scratched) but no, there is a HUGE bum print in the finish. dss then says "the man did say not to put anyhting on it for a while". (first I had heard about any such message - dss did not feel the need to pass this on the evenng before)

Cue me running frantically in to our room and chucking everyhting off dh's bedside table,and yes, you've guessed it, that's marked up too.

so, basically, the two bits need re-polishing again.

dh said this morning (he was out last night, so only heard this morning what had happened) that he is minded to get dss to pay for the re-finish, but I doubt he will follow this through. If he were my son he would definitely be paying for it - he took delivery, spoke to the restorer, and did not pass on the message (still not sure what "for a while" means, dss is being vague as to what the man said now) that we should be careful for a while.

But both pieces of furniture are in a worse state than before they were restored - before it was a couple of scratches, now dss's drawers have a massive arse print along one side (imagine pressing a towel onto playdough or similar, then peeling back, and being left with that textured, dimpled material finish rather than the smooth beauty it should be) and dh's bedside table has marks where his book and alarm clock were stood...

So, wwyd?

dss is likely to take the standpoint of "I didn't mean to...", but that doesn't really wash with me - I would hope he didn't mean to damage it, and yes accidents do happn, but to be so careless is annoying in the extreme.

I would go back to the company that polished them.
They did see YOU as you were coming back in and did not mention the care instructions to YOU, the customer. Why did they not give you a leaflet or something?

Also, you and your DH did not think that the polish would still be soft, even though you presumably have more experience with that sort of thing - so WHY blame your dss? Perhaps he thought "a while" meant a couple of hours.

Yes, he shouldn't have sat on it, but it seems a fairly innocent mistake.

oh for gods sake, chill out! It's one of those things. YOU should have spoken to the restorer, not leave the responsibility with a 17 yo who doesn't care. You should apologise to him immediately for blaming him.

I dunno, but I couldn't live with such high maintenance pieces of furniture...

No, the restorer should have made sure it would have been dry before they brought it back to you.

It is a PITA to have to pay to have it done again, but it is unfair to blame your SS for both pieces of furniture being damaged.

Agree that you should spoken to the restorer. I think the fault lies with you and the restorer, not your stepson. I love my 21 years old stepson dearly, but wouldn't trust him with delivery of a pencil case, god love 'im.

If it is only the tops of the furniture, you could sand them down and re-varnish yourself quite easily.

French polishing is not difficult. It just involves sanding with very fine paper and revarnishing, then sanding again with even finer paper and revarnishing. Do this 3 or 4 times.

do you really think I'd have comeback with the company? I would have thought it should have been properly dry too, before being returned.

FWIW, I haven't blamed my dss - I went up to his room, and inspected said damage, and said "hmm, it shouldn't have done that", which is when he mentioned that the restorer had said not to put stuff on it "for a while".

The only bit dh & I are annoyed about is that dss didn't pass on the message - it was literally 10 seconds between the man leaving and me coming back (I pulled into drive as he pulled out) and I asked dss immediately if everyhting was ok, and if the man was happy with the finish, etc. Dss is more than capable of taking the delivery, and passing n a simple message (especially since he was asked almost immediately to do so)

And for the record, dss does care - the chest of drawers is in his room at his request, as it was apiece that belonged to his grandmother, and he loves it. He is aware of how to treat so-called "high maintenance" furniture, having grown up with it.

It is not the accident as such, but the fact that the acident could have been avoided. If I had known the message, i would not have left the drawers in dss's room, as I know he would forget and put something down on it. However, the only person in full possession of the facts did not pass this on to me.

I would take it up with the restorers, kick up a stink, and if no joy, just do it again yourself or stump up. It's a right pita, but not really dss' fault.

But he is 17 years old and forgot to tell you. That is normal behaviour for a 17 year old. You should be cross with yourself for not checking the situation out properly. It's just a cock up, but there's no point in blaming him.
However if you don't want to know what anyone else thinks then don't ask

Agree you cannot blame DSS. Just one of those things-sort it out but don't apportion blame. 17 year old boys are like that!

Yes, definitely think you have some right to dispute taht the furniture came back still wet/tacky. It is obvious that the furniture is very likely to be damanged whilst in transit, let alone when it arrives at the destination (and being sat on by lummocking 17 year old boys ).

I would certainly call the company and complain, they should re-do the french polishing gratis, imho.

Ok, I will try with the restorers, not sure they will help much, but def worth a try.

MinkyBorage - hold on a sec. I am interested in what people think. that's why I asked, and that's why i clarified the situation when needed.

For the second time, i haven't blamed dss. I told him i thought him sitting (perching really) on the edge should not have produced the result it did.

And also, i did my best on checking out the situation fully. I asked dss if there was anyhting I shoud know when I came in. i didn't wait for him to tell me. Believe me, i am not looking for a way to make this all dss's fault. he is a nice boy, and very responsible. I asked him before I left with dsd if he was ok to do the delivery, and he said yes (I would otherwise have asked the furniture restorer to wait - he was the one turnig up early after all)

If he were my son, he would definitely be contributing to the re-polish, as he is the one at fault, as far as there is an "at fault". he didn't pass on a message, even when asked, and if he had this situation would not have arisen at all, as i am aware that teenagers are forgetful and would have ensured he did not have the opportunity to forget.

The reason for posting was to find out what other people though reasonable before tackling the issue. I have found out that soem think the company to be at fault, and this is certainly an avenue we will pursue.

"If he were my son, he would definitely be contributing to the re-polish, as he is the one at fault" No, you are the one at fault for trusting a 17yo boy to pass on a message, no matter how important it was.

thanks for your input, MinkyBorage, but you are obviously only wanting to misunderstand . you could also try quoting fully (I did go on ot say "as far as there is a fault")

I also, for the third time, asked dss if there was any message, a matter of seconds after he was given said message. I did not trust him to pass it on. He said there was nothing to report.

but anyway, i am obviously a wicked stepmother, looking to blame her dss for every ill in the world (despite not actually blaming him). such is my lot in life.

I had a sideboard french polished and we were told nothing about it needing to be left alone for a while. I presume they waited until it was fully dry until delivering it.
I must admit though that I agree with those who would not leave teenage children step or natural to take delivery of something like that. Having stuff french polished is expensive, I'd want to be there when the stuff came in to check the job was OK before paying and get instructions. 20min isn't a long walk into town and if she wanted a lift she could have arranged a more convenient time.
Yes stepson was wrong to sit on furniture and he shouldn't have been sitting on a chest of drawers anyway, but you had your priorities wrong in giving stepdaughter a lift, especially when the man had arrived before you set off. I'd have told stepdaughter she had a choice of waiting until after the guy had been or walking.
If the polisher told the adult who had been left in charge of the delivery that the polish needed to be left then he did his job.