Just...fed up

[cornishgal]

Hi everyone,
Just felt like a bit of a moan. Have lived with my four dscs now for six years and there are still times when I just feel like packing it all in. One of my dsds is nearly 19 and on her gap year. She went shopping today and when she got back, I asked her if she'd found any bargains. She looked at me like I was the sh*t on her shoe, snapped "duh...yes" like she was Chandler Bing and then flounced off, leaving me feeling like I'd been slapped round the face. This is two days after I knocked myself out with a lovely xmas day lunch, presents etc etc. Oh - and yesterday (Boxing Day) we all went to relatives where she managed not to say a single word to me ALL DAY which was quite an achievement,while cosying up to her aunts and uncles like she was Pollyanna or something. Trouble is, it's so difficult to put your finger on what she's doing. I feel like I'm back at school and being bullied. Dh just doesn't get it, it's all too female, subtle and weird for him! Anyway, I know I just have to be adult about it etc etc but it is so bloody depressing - how do you guys cope with scs and the days when you just want to kill them?!

I would ignore her, she will hate it

I have to say that my DD (also 19) is quite capable of behaving like that when the mood takes her - don't assume this is a step-parenting thing (unless there's a background of issues, IYSWIM).

You have 2 options: just walk away, ignore and ignore some more. She will mature and realise the error of her ways at some point (I know I did re my stepmother).

OR - challenge her. Sit her down and ask her to spell out what exactly her problem is. Then at least you'll know what you're up against.

That sounded very harsh - sorry. I am very sympathetic - dealing with your own stroppy teenage girl is hard enough, and how my DH has coped with my DD (his SDD) at times is baffling. But they do now have a very good friendship, and I hope you get to that point as well.

Hi Cornish Gal, your post made me laugh - but only hollowly I promise. Especially the description of SD as Pollyanna... I have an 11 year old SD who can be the living embodiment of girl from The Exorcist one minute (with me) and then perfect lovely child with any random stranger that hoves into view the next. I completely understand what you mean about feeling bullied - and about not being able to put your finger on why! And I get this from and eleven year old and her mates!!!! I find the best thing for me is to tackle it head on - ignoring her is water off a duck's back at the moment. It works best if I manage to retain the moral high ground but I can't say I always manage it... It's not easy this being a SM lark, especially when they live with you FT. Hang in there - you are not alone!

Hi Cornish... I know exactly how you feel too. I have a 15yo SD who can be exactly the same...but i prefer to go the childish route and give her the silent treatment right back... she will eventually come to me when she needs something, and be all nice again, then ill either be nice back and do what she wants, or be even more childish, and have a mini rant, and make her all angry again - it can be fun in my house!!

I'd sit her down and confront her about her behaviour. Know what you mean about feeling bullied my DSD (now 12) used to totally blank me and be sweetness and light with DH - that was when she was 8 FGS! ?Not fun, but I've found the best way is get it out in the open and don't take any s**t!

Anyway, good luck, however you decide to deal with it.

Hi everyone - thank you so much for your wise words. I think you're right Hassled it could be a 19 yr old thing rather than a sd thing. Though if she was my own I wouldn't hesistated to challenge her - but with scs you're on thinner ice somehow and I have to really think which fights I'm prepared to take on - "You're looking at me funny" didn't seem a good place to start...! But I DID discuss it with my dh who was actually very supportive and said lots of soothing nice things, and helped me to take less notice and stay calm. Weirdly this really seemed to work as she got up yesterday morning and scrubbed the family bathroom - her first housework for ages - without being asked. And has been fairly civil since. Or maybe she's lurking here, in which case - Hi! you moody cow! but seriously thanks everyone, I really appreciate it!