Question for Valentine5.....

[Nelli29]

Just read one of your postings and you sound in a very simular situation as me (been together 2 years, 6yrs old from previous), just wondered how you felt about it all?

thanyou sadsam that means a lot,your situation sounds similar to mine weve come close to finishing many times because of issue with ex and dealing with being a stepparent but i have always tried my hardest to love his daughter and we get on great , i pride myself in what ive achieved because i dident realise how hard and emotionally straining being a step mum can be,but even though at times i have wanted to just walk away,i havent because i love him to much.he keeps bringing up the fact that i have said i was going to leave ,but i only said that in anger when i have felt upset about things ive never done it or meant it and i think he knows that but he holds it against me x

Unfortunately men do that, bring things that were said in anger up at every opportunity. When you try to do it to a man they say "thats irrelevent" or "thats nothing to do with it" etc.

I can tell you love him dearly, as I do my DP but I would never be able to choose between a baby and my DP. Blood is thicker than water and you will regret it for the rest of your life if you have an abortion. I got pregnant 4 years ago (with an ex not my DP) and the guy in question and I had split up at the time I found out. I tried to tell him but he wouldnt talk to me. I had every intention of keeping the child and bringing it up on my own whatever happened. However, after a couple of months I miscarried and that ended that dream.

A few months later I bumped into my ex and told him and he was absolutely devestated. He felt so guilty for ending our relationship and blamed himself for the miscarriage. He already had 2 children from his previous marriage, but it still affected him very badly.

Please dont risk putting yourself through what I went through. Not a day goes by when I dont think about the child I could have had. To lose a child is hard enough, believe me, but to let someone else make the decision for you to get rid of it is unthinkable.xx

your right,i need other peoples points of view because i end up feeling really selfish when me and my partner are taliking because he makes me feel backed into a corner and his way is the only way thankyou so much for your advice i still have a lot of thinking to do but its seems a lot clearer know xx

your right,i need other peoples points of view because i end up feeling really selfish when me and my partner are taliking because he makes me feel backed into a corner and his way is the only way thankyou so much for your advice i still have a lot of thinking to do but its seems a lot clearer know xx

We've all been there hun. People (Im not going to be sexist and say men, but in my experience it is men) do have a habit of backing me in a corner and it is horrible. You feel like everything has to be by their rules which really isn't fair. However, this isn't just about the two of you anymore, there is another life involved in this and you have to think of him/her too.

I really hope that this site has helped and if I/we can be of any help at all, anytime, please post on here again. Please dont be a stranger Valentine, you're not alone xxx

Hi valentine5 - Sorry if I sound harsh but the point is that whether he wanted to 'wait' untill you were 'ready' or not has now become irrelevant. He has to deal with the situation - it has happened, and its happened now!! So if he is sure he wants to be with you for the rest of your lives and that he does want children with you then thats great and things have just been brought forward a bit thats all so why freak out like he is. If YOU want this baby , then keep this baby, if he loves you he will handle it,he has every chance of making the relationship work and ending up with the family he wants with one child visiting - as apposed to splitting up with you because you have the baby, and him ending up with two 'visiting' children which is what hes saying he is scared of!! It doesn't make sense!!Nobody can possible know what effect having a baby will have on their relationship,even if they have had one before because each time is different, all you can do is deal with things as they happen and be strong and supportive for each other which I hate to say you DH is not doing and I can't help feeling that he is being selfish and not thinking of you at all!!

Sorry valentine, I am at work and by the time I finally got to write and post my message , you had already had loads of supportinve replies -
Sorry if mine sounded a bit blunt - we are all here for you

xxx

hi neeli29,thanks for your advice i thinks you are right its just im quite insecure and thwe thought of him adoring the child he has now and not loving my child makes me sick,its the worst feeling because you probably know yourself how hard it is to be a stepparent.i am going to talk to a doctor like you said and try and work though it it my own mind.life! its so stressful but hey im pregnant and i should be happy stuff men xxx

Thats the attitude girl - go for it!!! You will find when you're little one is born that he/she is the only important thing anyway! and you will have so much support from family, friends, this website!

thats true,and my mum keeps saying she wants to be a grandparent so if he doesent want to join in the fun thats his problem ,ive given up caring about what everyone else wants it doesent get you anywhere ive puit myself through hell trying to make him happy so from now on its me me me! god that felt good to write that post =,nothing like a bit of positive energy thanks girlies!

Wow, love it hun! Thats definately the right attitude to have. At the end of the day you have got to think of number one as no-one else will. Just remember, you are very very lucky, you are going to be bringing a life into this world. A life that is your own flesh and blood. There are so many people that are not able to do that for one reason or another.

So all I can say is........... CONGRATULATIONS and lots of love and best wishes. Go and get your mum a "grandma" card and tell the whole world that you are going to be a mum. I'll tell you what, you will be a fab mum too xxxx

Anyway I am off now, got to go and make a 200 mile journey to see skids for the weekend. Please keep posting, have a good weekend and I will be back on here Monday. xxx

Great to hear you being so positive valentine5, its about time things were about you instead of everyone else!!!

CONGRADULATIONS..............and have great fun telling everyone!!!!!!

xxxxx

Congratulations xxx

This is a great story of personal triumph.

CONGRATULATIONS X

hi everyone just wanted to say thankyou once again for all your support, me and my partner have talked again and hes come round to the idea now.im so relieved ,i really thought i would be on my own through this,but hes fine now it must of been shock.sending loads of kisses and hugs to everyone that has given me good advice im so glad i dident decide to get an abortion im excited now xxxx

That is the best news Ive heard in a long while congratulations!

I'm so pleased for you.

Great news Valentine5 !!!! I'm really pleased for you - keep us posted !! xxxxxx

That's great news