DP has 2 children from a previous relationship, I have 1 from a previous relationship and we have one together.
My 2 ds's live with us and his ds's live with their mum....well eldest (23) lives with his g'f.
Dp's ds2 is 14yrs old and up until last year when i was pg with my ds2 every 4-6 weeks she was asking us for £50 for school shoes for dss. Then after us buying them it would be shirts the next week trousers the week after and so on.
I had to put my foot down and the next time she asked for money for shoes I took dss to the local market and spent £10 on 2 pairs, they were leather and good shoes... when she asked for shirts i went to primark and bought them... Oddly enough the demands requests for money stopped. Dp paid £100 a month (until he was made redundant) which is what he and I agreed we could afford.
She did try and ask us to pay for his school trip which apparently was £600, she called me and asked I simply explained we couldn't afford it with dp out of work and us moving.
When we moved dss came to visit a month later as it was ds2's 1st b'day. When he came in he asked
"did you buy this or are you renting"
"renting"
immediately sent a txt message
"Oh when did you get that" (ps3)
"I bought it last week"
Another txt sent
"Oh K has a new bed"
"Yes he needed one"
another txt....i think you get the picture. When he went in the other room dp checked his phone he had been texting his mum and telling her everything. Three days later she called and asked wether we could give her £250 for her to buy him clothes for an upcoming holiday....errr no we are living on a budget....yes we bought a ps3 as a gift for ourselves after the bad yr of dp being made redundant.....other than that it is penny pinching. Her reply but you all have new beds and you have a ps3, and blah blah blah.....
It has now been over 2 months since dp has heard from dss except one occassion when we went there to talk to his mother. But you can bet your bottom dollar that dss will be in touch soon xmas is round the corner, and he wants a new guitar. Which we are not getting.
Now I don't have a problem with dss in anyway other than the fact he treats dp so badly. Its like unless there is money involved he doesn't make contact. I have set a £50 limit on each ds this year....now dp is being arsey and saying we should get dss what he wants....hmmmm he is still out of work we have a very limited income and the guitar he wants is £250. Am i so wrong to think that dp and ds need to both realise that they cannot have a relationship made out of possessions. Dp is excellent with our 2 ds's but when dss is around he barely talks to him and vice versa. I did discuss this on here before but on another part now I want to get advice from others in my situation.
Dss is a liar and will say one thing to me and 2 minutes later say something different to dp, which invariably causes hassle....he did this at ds2's 1st b'day party but a friend of mine was standing there and heard what he said to me...she backed me up.
Do i give in and get this blasted guitar? do i stick to my guns and get the £50 voucher/present the same as for my ds1 and ds2? I really don't believe in spending more on one than the others and i don't see why we should skint ourselves for a child who is ungrateful we bought him a guitar last xmas and he now wants a different one although the one we bought him is fine....he just wants a diff colour.