Is this really naughty?

[mrsout]

OK, DH ex partner is a real nightmare. My DSS is 14, been a latch key kid since he was 8. He has had 6 step dads in the last 8 years, the ex moves men in one after the other. We pay maintenance plus half of clothing, school trips ect. She is on the phone every week begging for more money which we cant afford to give her. Now threatening access, which we know she cant do (dss is 14!) just generally being a pain as latest boyf left her. ANYWAY, found out this morning that she is a benefit theif!! Working behind bar in local, cash in hand. So, do I tell.....??

Or just threaten to so that she backs off a bit?!!

i would shop her. she's taking tax payer's money illegally. if it was an ex husband everyone would be agreeing to name and shame him.

the woman needs to wake up and get to grips with her money issue instead of cheating the tax payer.

You should report her as she is effectively stealing. However, do be prepared for her demands for more money to increase once she loses her benefits as a result of being found guilty of benefit fraud. Also you may have to have dss live with you if she can't afford to keep him.

My God, is your DH's ex partner my DH's ex partner??? They sound identical!. DH's ex has never worked (legally), has been done for benefit fraud twice already, yet she still works part time cash in hand whilst demanding more and more money from DH. DH pays his maintenance without fail (as a father should), pays half for school trips, school uniforms, new trainers / shoes etc., takes the kids on holiday in the UK and abroad (she never takes them anywhere but goes on holiday abroad each year with her boyfriend) and then she spends £300 - £400 each on the three kids for Christmas when we struggle to spend £100 each on them! It makes me sick! We have thought about shopping her many times, but we dont want to risk the kids losing out, however, with the way she has been lately, we are getting very close to doing it! Why should we work our backsides off (we both work over 50 hours a week) struggle to pay the mortgage and bills etc. for her and others like her to live an easy life? It makes me so bloody angry!

I couldn't. It wouldn't sit well with me to do that to my step-daughter's mum. If she is constantly asking you for more money, perhaps she needs that extra cash? And what if you do and she realises it's you - it's not exactly going to help your relationship with her. And how will your dss feel that you've done that to his mum if he found out?

I'm not in favour of benefit cheats by any means, but I think the things I've mentioned would mean I would turn a blind eye.

I think you should report her - if she can spend £300 on each christmas present then she's hardly strapped is she!

More to add and questions to ask.... We found out last night that next week, she is taking dss to hospital as she thinks he has ADHD. WHAT THE F*??? No reason to belive he has that! UNTIL.... I have just been informed that she will be able to claim disability allowence if he has it. Is this true?

taking him to HOSPITAL? Is she just going to turn up at A&E or something? It is a nightmare getting your kids assessed for ADHD. My local trust refuse to even see my ds following our GPs referrel as they believe his problems are "low level and do not require any intervention" despite the fact that the school also think he has problems. A medical diagnosis for a condition will be extremely difficult if he has not presented any behaviour that indicates ADHD. And you would have to have severe difficulties before they would consider your dss for disability benefits. Seems hugely unlikely imo.

She went down this road when he was younger. Not so much that he is over active, but because he cant concentrate at school. When he was 7/8 he was assessed, poked and prodded and put on Ritalin. By 10 he had caught up with rest of class and taken off the tablets. He is now almost 15, and I will be honest, is failing BIG time at school. But will they put him back on tablets at this age? I know she is just doing it for the cash, just know it.