any dads with DDs who live with them? advice needed

[mistressmiggins]

DSD has lived with her dad for last 3 yrs since mum left and has now moved in with me & my 2 DCS

now mum wants her back and DSD says although happy with us, also wants to live with her mum

is it worth trying to "fight" it through the courts or should DP accept that DD should go & live with her mum even though it isnt the best decision for DSD's future.

any advice welcome

Shouldn't he be fighting for what is best for his dd?

How old is DD? How far away does mum live? Is shared care an option? How good is mum's parenting? Agree go for what is best for the child, not the adults.

it is best for DSD to stay with us.
trouble is mum has said "what makes you happy makes me happy" in other words I will give you anything you want.
We on the other hand give love, support & discipline which she doesnt always like.

mum lives too far away to share schooling wise and will give no boundaries if she had her full time.

I think it is just sour grapes because we are now a family - she was happy until DP moved in

what a minefield!

DP has been to solicitor today who hsa been very positive which I think has given DP confidence to stand up for what he thinks is best for his DD....
we shall have to see though as cant see this being the end

Maybe things will settle down once she has got used to the new set-up?

I think if it were us, we would just await events and if she decided to go to Court over it deal with it then (or has that already happened?). Otherwise just concentrate - like I know you will be - on getting your dsd settled and happy with you.

One thing I've always acknowledged and chatted to dsd about is the fact that she has the two people she loves the most in the world in separate places - and that is really hard. And it's natural for her to want to live with each of them or be with each of them. And wherever she is she is missing the others (she has siblings in both homes).

I think too dsd likes it when an adult actually takes control of a situation like that and tells her how it's going to be, while listening to her views at the same time.

Things are worse

DSD clearly wants to live with her mum (understandable) but isnt unhappy here.

However her mum is continuing fighting even though my DP's solicitor has sent her a letter stating why she should stay with us.

My DP has sent her a letter saying we will agree to DSD living with her mum IF she gives written proof on certain things like
a) changing work pattern (currently works shifts & nights
b) agreeing not to leave her home alone
c) finding a school
d) saying what she will do on holidays etc

she just refuses to discuss it point blank & wants to carry on to court

What is the point when legally we could fight it? We have offered her what she wants but she wont meet us half way

meanwhile we have DSD who has gone quiet and just sits in her room. Cynically we think her mother may have told her to act miserable/
She has completely changed and these last 2 weeks have been unbearable.
I feel uncomfortable in my own home.

if only she could try living with her mum but she cant as we live in different towns so would have to move schools again to try it.

parenting is hard but step parenting is harder