Living in the shadow of a mum who died !!

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Help! is there any one out there living in the same situation as me !! i have two stepchildren aged 12 years and 14 years. their mum died of breast cancer and although i have been married to their dad for 7 years i an constantly living in the shadow of their mum not just only as a mum but also as a wife and it just don't seem to be getting any easier!! which i hoped that it would? i am pulling my hair and am DESPERATE!! to talk tp somone living in the same situation!! i also have a lad from my first marriage aged 14yrs and we have a little girl together aged 5years PLEASE PLEASE CONTACT ME SO DESPERATE TO TALK TO SOMONE!!

How old are the children, Smk? What do you say and do when they come back from the GPs with their propaganda?

Sorry to keep asking disjointed questions! Only as it's just a year since their mother died it's early days for them to be adjusting, especially if they are quite little, and they are never going to want to accept that she was anything other than perfect - she was their mother and children can be very accepting and forgiving.

all you can do is be consistent and understanding and try and counteract what the grandparents do, but without making into a slanging matchor a them and us situation.

I guess it might even make your life more tricky if DP banned them seeing the granparents, if the kids really enjoy being with them.

13, 12 and 9. Really we just listen to what they say and then put them right. For example, wife left debts of over £10,000 which we know grandmother was going to pay off if repayments couldn't be met by wife, once I came on the scene no mention has been made. Dp has all but given up his job to look after children (before I moved in), and dropped huge amount of salary to care for his children. In laws are discussing all sorts of inappropriate things with the children, things they shouldn't even be thinking about at their age. I appreciate that it has only been a year since she died, but dp and her were separated for a long time and she was about to introduce the children to her second boyfriend in six months, so she was obviously moving on. In the eyes of the in laws my dp isn't allowed to!

Throckenholt, the children like seeing the grandparents because they spoil them rotten. Well, let's put it this way, the grandmother likes seeing the eldest two girls as she takes them shopping!! Spoke to girls on Monday pm and asked why they wanted to see nan again so soon, and they shrugged their shoulders. I put it to them that perhaps because they missed her and loved her, but no response. So I went for it and suggested it was because of the shopping, they both looked at each other and grinned! Shopping, shopping, shopping, that's all they do when they go to the grandparents.

Throckenholt, the children like seeing the grandparents because they spoil them rotten. Well, let's put it this way, the grandmother likes seeing the eldest two girls as she takes them shopping!! Spoke to girls on Monday pm and asked why they wanted to see nan again so soon, and they shrugged their shoulders. I put it to them that perhaps because they missed her and loved her, but no response. So I went for it and suggested it was because of the shopping, they both looked at each other and grinned! Shopping, shopping, shopping, that's all they do when they go to the grandparents.

Oh, dear, it is all very one-sided, isn't it? Had the children met the first boyfriend? Did they know either of them existed?

13 & 12 are stroppy ages anyway. What about the 2 that don't live with you, where are they? Do you have any contact with them? If they are older, can you talk to them more realistically?

Why do the GPs only want 2 of the 3 children?

GPs only want the two girls, as boys don't do shopping!!

Really hoping that a bit of time and distance will help alleviate the situation.

Thanks to you all for listening.

Hi i am in this situation too only i havnt married Dad yet (we are engaged ,but he is beginning to drag his feet about setting a date) Anyway me Pd mother died in over 10 years ago and we have been together for nearly 6 years. The wife's family excepted me and made me and my two children very welcome, happy that their granddaughter had me to take care of her and her daddy . His family are completly the opposite and dont treat us as if we belong at all .We have all been living toghether for over three years now , but my two are rearly invited out on trip with their grandaughter,(even her friends are invited out or to parties with them)If they ring to sort out anything with regards to her ,they will only talk to daddy even though i run the house and orginise all birthday etc. I dont think it will change even when we are married (they were less then happy when we got engaged)Dont know anyone to talk to about this . dP says im just being childish and says ask my mum why she doesnt include them. Sorry to ramble ,its just getting me down.