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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

So angry can't calm down.

43 replies

fizzbuzz · 21/08/2008 13:11

can anyone explain my anger?

i have a dss 19 who is a lovely lovely boy. i have always got on well with him and we have a good relationship.

On Monday night everything went wrong. Dp was out, and I had the delightful job of getting dd (2) to bed. i have posted many threads on here about her sleep problems....
ATM she has discovered she can get out of bed. so was dong rapid return with her. This went on and on and on with no break. My back was killing me, I was really hot and sweaty and she was being horrendous...so i lost my temper, shouted at her a few times, and slammed a few doors. I was really really at the end of my tether....

Anyway, dss comes upstairs nd asks if i mind be being quiet as I am upsetting his girlfriend I didn't even know she was here. To which I snapped, "Well let here deal with it then" (I rarely snap). He then took her home, slamming the door for good measure on the way out.

I just cannot calm down. I am furious with her (although I hardly know her), that she thinks it is OK to tell someone how to behave in thier own house. I know they are only young, but I just cannot calm down. I can't talk to my dss and I never want to set eyes on her again. Poor dp stuck in the middle

OP posts:

ruddynorah · 21/08/2008 13:54

maybe you're just embarrassed because you were behaving in a way you probably wouldn't have done if you'd known the gf was in.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/08/2008 13:54

I like you Iklboo....you have good advice, and a calming way of writing.

Come and sit next to me and say calming things.....

OP posts:

TheHedgeWitch · 21/08/2008 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Overmydeadbody · 21/08/2008 13:57

You should calm down because if you're driven to the edge by dd then it's hard to deal with it in a constructive manner while being stressed and angry and shouting and slamming doors.

Behaving like that was hardly going to change the situation and suddely make dd go to sleep was it?

Sometimes, when we get really wound up, we need someone else to step in and gently remind up to calm down. Nothing wrong with that. It's what families do. He was probably just trying to help (as well as beign embarrassed that his GF witnessed you screaming) but went about it the wrong way.

Being angry now, 4 days later, isn't going to do any good. As much as you may not have liked it, it happened. Being angry isn't going to take that away.

Iklboo · 21/08/2008 13:58

Aw...thanks fizzbuzz

mankymummy · 21/08/2008 14:03

I think you are angry not at the girlfriend but at being tired and being driven insane by your DDs sleep problems.

ConnorTraceptive · 21/08/2008 14:18

DH once told MIL that I said she'd make a good nazi

We'd been watching an airport type programme about immigration officers and I'd said "you're mum would be suited to that type of job" meaning she could spot someone dodgy a mile off.

ConnorTraceptive · 21/08/2008 14:20

I have never understood to this day how he made the leap from immigration officer to nazi

Skramble · 21/08/2008 14:27

Perhaps DSS was mortified and GF was feeling uncomfortable in your house, perhaps she was even more uncomfortable after she realised DSS had come to speak to you and left because she thought it was best.

Perhaps 18yr old boys don't have much tact especially when it comes to stressed woman.

I would say sorry to DSS but hope he kept his thoughts to himself next time, I would hope his GF doesn't think I was a screaming banshee fishwife all the time, in fact I would hope there wasn't a next time.

2beornot2be · 21/08/2008 17:23

I would tell her she is not welcome back in your house.

youcannotbeserious · 21/08/2008 19:36

I don't get it - you were irrationally harsh to a 2YO... and an 18YO was irrantionally harsh to you...

AND?

You snapped,,, so did he.... He's 18 and trying to impress his GF and doesn't want his little sister playing up... sorry, but that's reasonably understandable. Especially if you don't usually shout at her... the GF is probably thinking 'WTF?'

I'd just let it go... I bet your 2YO has and we have a lot to learn from kids!

youcannotbeserious · 21/08/2008 19:40

FWIW, my 13YO DSD would be mortified if I screamed at DS when her friends were here.

At 18YO, this chap is trying to impress his GF.... I do think that needs to be taken into account...

Banning her from your house will just do wonders for your relationship with your SS - To be fair, she didn't say a thing... If DD had been in a better mood, you would have probably thought her delightful...

Thomcat · 21/08/2008 19:44

FizzBuzz - I think exactly the same thing as Ikloboo. I really think that the girlfriend probably was upset for you and the stressful situation, she may well have said 'look I think I should go' and your DSS maybe was upset at her being upset and wanting to leave so said something to you. I really, really don't think the amount of anger you feel is reasonable for what happened. I think maybe next time you see her say something along the lines of ;sorry if I upset you last time you were here but the whole trying to get DD to sleep is incredibly hard and stressful, anbyway, can I get you a drink?' and just put it behind you. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don't let it upset you.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 21/08/2008 20:19

OK, have spent 2 relaxing hours in hairdressers mulling it over.

I cannot say how helpful you have all ben, it has really given me a lot of insight rather than brooding away, (which is my very special talent I fear)

Have large (very large family size) of Dairy Milk in my bag, and funny card. Will give to dss when he appears...however GF is here atm so when she has gone.

Thanks once again......

OP posts:

jammi · 21/08/2008 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Skramble · 21/08/2008 22:35

hope he shares the chocolate.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 22/08/2008 13:02

All friends

Dd (age 2) discovered the chocolate before it even got to him.........

OP posts:

youcannotbeserious · 22/08/2008 17:17

It's the thought that counts!

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