I think I'm probably being unreasonable, what should I have said?

[josiefc]

Ok...I think I've been a bit unreasonable to my dp, bless him, and I'm feeling very guilty.

Basically, exW has just had a baby (yesterday), all very nice, she's great, her new partner is great and I'm sure the baby will be just great too. My lovely ss (8) and sd (5) are really happy and excited about their new baby brother. DP took them over to her house to see him yesterday (it's our weekend to have the kids). All went well.

exW's mother is taking my dp and the kids out for lunch today. DP mentioned that she was really keen to meet me and had invited me along too. I'm working, so wasn't able to go anyway. But I did tell him I was a bit horrified at the idea. He was really upset and said he'd thought it was a nice thing. Which, looking back, I can see that it is nice to be invited. But I can't help feeling that I still don't really want to go for lunch with his ex mother in law.

Clearly I was a bit unreasonable. But is this weird or not? Does anyone else have any kind of relationship with their ex's parents? How do you deal with it?

I think it very much depends on your dp's relation ship with his ex.
My Dh has a very good relationship with his ex, and I know her mum quite well and she is lovely.
But I think it is quite unusual! I suppose in a way she is probably interested in the person who is helping to raise her grandkids.

I think it would be worth accepting at face value to start with. If you do not like her or the way you are treated, it's time to reevaluate...

FWIW, I got on OK with Dh's Ex's parents and, when her dad died, I called DH's mum immediately as I knew that they would want to pass on their respects to Dh's Ex...

And, yes, I think it was lovely that you were invited.

i think its lovely to have a good relationship with exs my dh ex partner is awful and it makes the sc caught up in the middle and thats not fair

I would have gone.
How lovely that your DP's ex-inlaws want to meet you! It makes you part of the DSDCs family.

I still have a relationship with my ex inlaws and am in process of making them a photo album/scrapbook for Xmas.
I intend to go up & leave DCs with them while DP & I go & visit friends which will involve them finally meeting DP. I am sure it will be ok as they are very much family orientated. (my exH left after I found out about affair so in-laws have no fight with me)

Can see why you were horrified at the idea - but I think it was more the strangeness of the situation !!
I have been there in so many ways (eg recently my father went to help DHs ex wifes mother ie DH`s ex mother in law with some repair work at her house!)

It is strange that the only thing they have in common to talk about is my Dads son in law and her ex son in law !!!

PS we are not the Waltons , until about 6 months ago it was open warfare between all parties for 10 years solid ........

So great that now we can all get on ... hope this at least gives hope of a peaceful future to all of you still at the hostile stage !!!

thanks for your replies, I was so worried everyone would really flame me!

I can see that she would be interested in who is helping to raise her grandkids. She does sound really nice, I think I was just freaked out by the strangeness of the situation - it was probably fortunate that I was busy anyway as it's given me a chance to think about it.

It is really nice that we all get on, I do feel very lucky. ExW and her partner came to Christmas dinner at my dp's parents, which initially was a bit strange, but everyone worked hard at making it really lovely for the kids and it all was great in the end.

I guess I wanted a bit of reassurance that I wasn't mad for thinking this was a bit weird...I think I can deal with it now! cheers...