How did your mum help you feel included after a new sibling?

[workingmama111]

Kids whose mums had another child with their stepdad, what did your mum do that made you feel included, loved and important after your sibling came along?

How lovely you are to think of this OP. No personal experience but I’ve seen this done well, and not so well, with the children I work with.

If you have a good relationship with your ex this will help - taking your child to see the new baby for a short visit straight after they’re born would be a good start (maybe helping them write a card for the baby too?). Then ongoing open dialogue about their other family is key - knowing they can always talk at home with you about the baby and their feelings, good or bad, will help.

You'll need to lead on conversations about the baby so that your child knows you’re okay with it.

Surely OP is going to be okay with it when it’s her having the baby??

If the baby was able to produce a gift that the sibling had wanted for a long time that might be helpful. Works best if the sibling is young.

I think you do what you would if they were a full sibling, for instance not asking ex to have them for a week so you can settle in with the baby which you wouldn’t do if you had them full time. I think the bigger difficulty tends to come from the step-parent than their biological parent, as it can sometimes be painfully obvious to step-children that they aren’t loved in the same way by their step-parent as their half-sibling is. Honestly, I am not sure what the solution to that is and I say this as a step-mom who did everything I could when I had a child with their dad to keep them included, but fundamentally sometimes the jealousy is there because they don’t get to be with both parents 100% of the time (which can’t be fixed but is still sad for them) and because no matter what you do a relationship with a step-child you met as an older child will never be the same as the relationship you have with your biological children.

My big sister got to pick my middle name, she never let's me forget now we're old!