Is it time to end my relationship

[summershere78447]

I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting anymore or if I’m just done.

My partner’s 14-year-old daughter moved in with us a year ago. She can be rude, ungrateful and disrespectful to me and even guests in our home. I know teenagers can be hard, but my biggest issue is that her dad never addresses it unless we’ve already argued about it. I have to reach breaking point before anything gets said.
We also have a one-year-old son together, and I’m starting to worry about the example being set for him.

His family don’t help either. They’re overbearing, always have an opinion and seem to make excuses for his daughter’s behaviour rather than expecting any accountability.

Her mum also tells her about things like child maintenance, which I think is completely inappropriate. Adult financial issues shouldn’t be discussed with a child. Payments are often late, causing us financial stress, but again my partner rarely addresses it. In fact, he’ll happily argue with me, but seems unable to stand up to anyone else.
I also feel like all the problems come from his side. My family are supportive and respect our boundaries, whereas I constantly feel like I’m dealing with issues involving his daughter, his family or his ex.

We’re also going through a really tough stage of life with a one-year-old who still doesn’t sleep, so we’re both completely drained as it is. That makes it even harder because I feel like instead of pulling together, I’m constantly having to fight battles that shouldn’t be mine.

I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m forever asking him to deal with things that shouldn’t have to become arguments first.

The hardest part is our little boy. I absolutely adore him, and when it’s just the two of us life feels so calm and happy. I genuinely prefer it. My biggest fear is that if I leave, I’ll only get to see him half the time, and that thought breaks my heart.
Has anyone else realised the real issue wasn’t the child or the ex, but their partner never backing them up? Did it ever change, or am I expecting something that just isn’t going to happen?

I quite frankly wish I’d never agreed to this.

Why did she move in, did she want to? I imagine something has happened so I’m not surprised she is being difficult and probably needs some help.
Thats not your issue to sort though. Its a difficult age to have a major upheaval in your life so I think it was a given it would be a mess.
It would be better for your DH and DD to be alone maybe but clearly she needs some extra help.

Do you breastfeed your son?

Firstly, thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to reply. There have been some really thoughtful and helpful responses, and I genuinely appreciate people sharing their experiences, even if they have a different perspective.

Just to answer a few questions that have come up:

• No, I don’t breastfeed my son anymore.
• My stepdaughter wanted to move in with us. She’d been out of education for around two years, was struggling with her mental health, and things had broken down where she was living. We all agreed that living with her dad would give her more stability and the chance to get back into school, which thankfully she has. I’ve always supported that decision and wanted it to work.

I think where some people have misunderstood me is that I’m not questioning whether she deserves support or suggesting my son is more important than she is. They are equally important.

My concern has always been my relationship with my partner. I don’t want to dictate how he parents his daughter, but I do want him to address behaviour that affects our home and our relationship, without it only happening after we’ve argued first.

Over the last year I’ve naturally stepped back and leave the parenting to him, but that hasn’t changed how unsupported I feel. The practical side isn’t really my issue anymore… it’s the atmosphere in the house and feeling like I’m constantly having to push for things to be addressed.

I’ll put it quite simply, if I didn’t have my son the decision would be a lot simpler and I wish I’d had a magic glass ball to have seen this at the beginning but unfortunately I didn’t …

I’m well aware of the lifetime effect the whole situation will have on him, it’s something I feel incredible guilt over and assure you if I could go back in time to change things I really would.

I’m sorry but this is awful.

If both biological parents, children and step parent are fine with this and the dynamic works… why is this awful?