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Step-parenting

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Stepdaughter still relying on her father at 30 affecting our marriage

30 replies

DreamyRedFinch · 29/06/2026 08:59

Been a step mom 29 years and always had problems with YSD30 mainly because of her immaturity. I thought by now she’d have her own life and not still be relying on her parents for constant support. She’s never moved out of her mother’s home to gain independence and things seem to have gotten worse over the past few years since she entered into a relationship with an equally immature partner. She’s constantly seeking emotional support from DH when this boyfriend won’t step up but instead of him encouraging her to sort these things out with him he’s stepping in to play the hero. I’ve said this isn’t right and he should be leaving them to sort out their own issues otherwise how will they learn to stand on their own two feet! It’s putting a real strain on our marriage and he can’t see why even when I’ve tried to explain! Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
jumphopskip999 · 30/06/2026 18:38

Dad’s that support their adult children emotionally are amazing. He’s the first person to call if something goes wrong! Why would you take that away from them?

DysmalRadius · 30/06/2026 18:45

Been a step mom 29 years and always had problems with YSD30 mainly because of her immaturity.

Obvious jokes about the maturity of a one-year-old aside, perhaps her father feels bad that his wife has had a problem with his daughter since she was tiny. If you've always had a problem with her, then, for most of that period, she was absolutely not responsible for that. Maybe she feels like she has to continually test her father's love because he chose to spend his life with someone who doesn't and has never liked her. 🤷🏻

Dontcallmescarface · 30/06/2026 18:45

It depends what she wants emotional support for. If it's because she and her BF have had a row over what colour to paint the kitchen, then she needs to grow the fuck up. If it's the BF being a prick In general then yep I understand her wanting to coonfide in her dad. Context is everything in what she needs his support for.

Somnambule · 30/06/2026 18:54

saraclara · 30/06/2026 18:12

But do you need constant support, like the SD in the OP does? Did you still live with your mother at 30, having never moved out?

This woman has failed to launch, and it seems that her parents have a fair bit to do with that.

My adult kids have always known that I'm there when needed, and will step in where there's an problem. I've sorted them in various ways which they've been very thankful for.
But they're also independent and competent adults who can make their own decisions and don't need to call me every second day with whatever problem they have.

Edited

I had a mental health crisis from 29-33 and there were periods when I moved back in with my parents, yes. And my dad provided a huge amount of support during that time, it probably would have looked a bit pathetic to some of the critics on here but it's no exaggeration to say they saved my life.

labubu1 · 30/06/2026 19:02

You sound a bit jealous imo. I still needed some emotional support from my parents when I was 30.

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