When to tell my DSS I am pregnant, and how?

[Vicki1976]

Need a bit of advice. I am currently 9w and this is my first child. my DH has a 9 year old from a previous relationship, I actually get on well with his ex and she has moved on to have another baby with her current partner.
Want to tell my DSS about the baby in the next few weeks, but he is quite clingy to his dad - when he is with us he gets all the attention from everyone but at home he is one of 4 so not as much there.

He is generally well behaved but I don't want him to feel pushed out my the new arrival or that he is not his dads favourite.

Any ideas of how to handle telling him, and handling the pg?
Thanks

Hi,

firstly, congratulations!!

i don't think you should tell your DSS until you have to... Don't mean to be negative, but just in case anything happens.

By the time yu do tell him, make sure you and DH have agreed what will happen when the baby arrives - will DSS keep his room, will his routine change etc.,

Finally, i think your DH should tell his son. Even though i've been with DH for 10 years, he still took the kids out alone to tell the kids. gives them a chance to ask any questions - if he has any...

hope that helps and good luck.

ycbs x

Congratulations!
Contrary to ycbs, I think you should tell him together. And even though you might be nervous about telling him, you still need to tell him in a 'we have some really exciting news' kind of a way, rather than as though you are really worried he will react badly. He can still ask questions to both of you.
I had the same situation. DD is now 6 months. We have had a few dramas over the last few months - tears etc from SS when she was born as he was afraid he would be pushed out. But now he loves his little sister and is brilliant with her. We make sure he still has some times to do things on his own with his dad.

As you get on well with his mum (well done both of you) how about asking her to tell him? It may come better from her. She can build him up as the big boy who knows what he is doing with babies, who can help you and give you all sorts of advice etc etc because this is your first.

And that's not far off true - an experienced 9 or 10 year old can be a real help in the early days. They can shake their face at baby, fetch nappies and reliably listen for baby while you peg washing etc

I would really push the message that he is 'big brother' and not 'appendage who visits sometimes'. Make him feel that he has a place in your family and there is a gap when he isn't there.

oh, yes, that's important - tell his mum first!!!

I wouldn't tell anyone until past 12 weeks as miscarriages common until then, but most units have a scan at about 12 weeks and if all is well then things usually are OK.
I probably wouldn't tell exes first but would tell kids and stepkids first as I wouldn't want an ex telling our kids. I'd favour dad telling him, he'd probably feel more able to ask questions and express concerns if just 1 adult and not 2 to start with. I'd tell exes on the same day as kids are told, but def not before. They aren't part of "my" family any more so come after family.