Unblending and living apart

[hopeful2026]

I have 3 dc and dh has 1dc.
At the start of our relationship things were amazing but over time cracks started to show. Never about our love for each other but blending family issues. Sc ended up not liking me and one of my dc struggled with my dh.
A few months ago we split up and he left our family home. We tired no contact but we can’t stop being drawn to each other.
We know that living together isn’t right for the children at the moment so we have decided to try staying together but living apart. Dh now lives 30 minutes away from me (longer for him on the bus as he doesn’t drive).

I’m just curious if anybody else has made this work.
Or any couples that date like this long term.

How long were you together. What do you mean sc ended up not liking you?

Watching with interest as there have been moments when i’ve considered this, although we seem to be in a better place these days.

I think this could work, depending on circumstances and how badly you want it to. How old are your kids and what patterns of custody do you have, ie will there still be a decent number of days you can see each other?

We will still see each other every other weekend and once it twice during the week.

sc family were stirring things about their dad and I. Blaming me for the family break down even though it happened 2 years before we met. Sc ended up wanting mum and dad together and things just became really hard.

I live apart from my DP. We've been together about 7 years now. We never blended though, it was logistics that prevented it because of where we lived and where our exes lived and schools for the kids.
But it works really well for us, we spend every other weekend together (kids are a bit older now so that helps too) usually in my house. We will sometimes do something mid week eg concert or play.
I sleep better without him, I get more chores etc done and I can make arrangements to see girlfriends or host without worrying about him because I know the schedule. I am not sure if we will ever move in together now !

How old are your kids, @hopeful2026 - how many years of this arrangement would you be looking at?

i wonder if your ex is stirring up the kids because he wants you back and that’s why they are turning against your current partner.

are they old enough that you can sit them down and have the talk about mum and dad are NEVER getting back together. it makes no difference if either of us are dating. if im not dating johnny itll be some other guy. so dont be thinking you can be nasty and somehow it'll get dad back here. it won’t. we are better parents as friends now and that’s that, the end. has dad told you anything different to that?

Plenty of people make this arrangement work, and more people should be willing to have a longer relationship while living apart rather than force blend a family, so I admire you!
Blending four kids was always going to be difficult anyway.
My advice would be to make sure the kids know you are together and committed but that you are not planning to move back in. This way they can all feel secure in their own homes, but they must accept your relationship exists and allow you to enjoy spending time together.

I blended then unblended. Perhaps different as we have a shared child that spends half the time with me half the time with him. My older kids also see him a lot as he helps babysit while I take one to clubs/he does the club run for my child that’s not biologically his.

it works. I don’t like sharing my bed and like that the housework is drastically less in a smaller house. He’s not so much a fan but understands the situation. We split up because my disabled child wasn’t given a school place and the LA still haven’t given him a school place, it’s drastically impacted my ability to work. The financial impact broke us as I wasn’t entitled to any benefits due to his wage and he then was stretched supporting his kids my kids and me. The stress broke us. He may have got through it if I’d been emotionally available but caring for my son wiped me out. We have at points discussed moving in together and the kids all want that again but the financial side when I cannot work due to caring means we will be too stressed for it to be healthy.

Seperate I get child benefits and some UC. Also child maintenance. Free school meals, councilling tax reductions. I’m poor but it’s my money and manage fine. When we were together I got none of that an ex and his kids are used to much more spending money and couldn’t adjust when I wasn’t contributing.

we have discussed moving back in but the money holds us back. I won’t go back to having no access to money and while he now says he would give me access he also wants to continue funding his kids through university etc so we would be dirt poor. Maybe we can move back in if the LA ever give my disabled son his access to education or maybe once the kids are all grown we can afford to live together with just disabled son home who needs financially supporting. While I’m busy with kids and stressed I’m not fussed but expect with an empty nest I will feel different

We are a bit of a hybrid really in that we live together with my DC most of the time but the nights he has his DC he stays separately. We tried blending but it didn’t work. His ex stirred a lot and caused issues with the kids. This way is simpler and works for us.

Similar here. We've been together even longer! We talked about living together eventually in the early days but now I don't think I could.

Yea, I left my partner but we have reconciled, but no longer living together and won't until my daughter leaves home (he has no kids).

It wasn't just about my daughter for us to be honest - there were other reasons co-habitation didn't work.

Our relationship is better than ever now that we no longer live together. I'd recommend this style of relationship to anyone!

Thank you for so many helpful replies. It’s good to hear from others who have done the same.
Our goal is to live together again at some point but we don’t know when it will be as a few things need to change first.