How often do your SC talk about their mum?

[QuestionForYa]

Just as the title says really. Curious about others experiences and what is normal in these situations.

As much as they want to. Are you new to step parenting because in the younger years and can be pretty thankless.
It’s not personal, your just dealing with little kids who regardless of how nice you might be they’d prefer it if there mum and dad were together.
Im 12 years in now, my step daughter is 16 and we get on really well. Do you get on with the mum, it’s much better if you do, for your sake and the step child’s sake.

I wish we got on as that's how I was raised (both my parents were civil and remarried partners got on), but she's made it clear she doesn't like me or want to be in my presence :)

From this example I'd assume they miss their mum when not with her and therefore mention her a lot. Seems normal to me

Can I not be curious about other's experiences? Just genuinely interested!

I never spoke about the other parent in the wrong home, I was expected to 100% compartmentalise. I can’t begin to tell you how high my anxiety levels were in case I made a mistake.

it’s healthy for children to be able to view their life as a whole.

You tolerate them talking about their mother - think that sums up what you think

>> “DP should be encouraging a change of subject" etc... maybe think about whether that's reasonable or mature?
good grief, people can be so condescending to kids. Kids aren’t stupid! As if they won’t notice the conversation is being redirected? Especially if dad swoops in to “save” the household from having to hear about mom? The dad should communicate and regulate that the kids other parent is a taboo subject?

just treat mentions of the mom like mentions of anyone else. Sometimes the conversation lingers there, sometimes it’s passing. And don’t let any psyops by the kid mentioning her get under your skin. Respond neutrally or as if it was any other party being mentioned, but don’t ignore the mention.

Their mum is deceased rather than in another home they sometimes spend time in. I would not dream of objecting to her being mentioned. Step sons (teens) don’t talk about…much but will join in if the younger ones are doing letters to mum in the chimnea. (Little family ritual.) The girls will mention her fairly frequently, at least once a week, and the biggest compliment you can pay them is
“Your mum would be so proud of you!” I’ve never felt mention of her as a dig at me and she deserves space. I’m very careful not to cook certain things that were her specialities for example, though I might help one of the kids do so. Christmas rituals and milestones need careful handling, too.