We have a blended family of a few years and the children have a routine with each parent but obviously it’s a lot of work with coordinating it all.
I am feeling so irritated by my DP lately and just get frustrated when I feel like he isn’t being proactive with his DC and is choosing to be lazy. I’ve asked him to take more control and be more proactive and he’s all offended by this because I’ve asked him to get up in the night and put his child back to bed or set boundaries and give straight answers.
One of his DC still visits us to get in the bed at 6am for a cuddle, I can tolerate this because I am an early riser, but he knows I struggle to get back to sleep if I am woken up in the night. I now sleep with loop ear plugs and an eye mask on, but the child has now started visiting our room in the middle of the night again - chatting, taking up the bed, moving around, turning the light on and he just tries to settle them down (in our bed!) and then they both fall back asleep, leaving me awake for hours desperately trying to get back to sleep.
SDC is having a very hard time recently and does need more input during awake hours, is getting a lot of our time and attention, but bedtimes have regressed quite badly to how it used to be as a toddler. We had a great routine up until recently.
The hard time SDC is having is my field of experience - but do you think he’s had any conversations with his ex about their child? No. So anything I suggest as a helpful solution he gives me a non committal response, I ask did you talk to ex about being on the same page about this? I think you both need to do XYZ so you should talk to her. No he’s avoiding that too. I explained that there will be no progress unless he puts in the effort.
The DC know they must knock on our door before coming in in case someone is getting changed, but every morning I feel like I need to get undressed and dressed in our locked en suite or under the duvet as SDC will constantly be knocking to ask simple questions or just ask to come sit in the room with us. I’m always in a panic trying to shove my clothes on before the next knock on the door comes - 9/10 this is because DP is still in bloody bed! He’s never up first even though we leave at the same time. So of course the DC want access to him, but I am getting dressed so both things can’t happen at the same time.
This weekend SDC decided they wanted to get something specific with their own money, however DP thinks this is an expensive waste of money (it’s £5) so whenever the DC asks for it, he gives them a wishy washy non committal response about how expensive it is, when the DC just want a YES or a NO. So they get all sulky then he gets irritated and tells them off and the whole day is ruined. I explained you just need to be clear with them! You have ONE JOB as a parent.. so do it?
Problem is he is always martyring on about ‘oh it’s so hard to keep everyone happy’ but everyone is annoyed as he’s being wishy washy and then having the audacity to lose his temper because he won’t commit to any boundaries and everyone gets annoyed !
We are going away soon for a special occasion and we paid extra to get a special room at HIS suggestion. The SDC have adult family members with them in their rooms at night, but I am quite sure that SDC is going to end up in our bed/room the whole trip and I am already feeling fed up about this that I will have to say something and be the bad guy or just suck it up.