Sleeping arrangements when step daughter comes to stay ?

[mwienn197]

My partners little girl is 4 my daughters are 5 &6 , they are all like little besties and have a great relationship, right now we have my partners 4 year old every other weekend, currently they share a room my girls have bunk beds and the youngest girl has a proncsss blow up bed. We are moving soon into a 3 bed so my girls have their own room, however I want my partners little girl to feel like she has her own real bed but also I am conscious of space , does anyone have any ideas ? I didnt want to get two single beds as it’s only every over weekend and stays I was worried about spade We don’t want another bunk bed, we were thinking maybe a day bed with a pull out trunk for when she stays, I just wondered what you do for those of you who already have little ones that need to share thank you in advance I just want her to feel really welcome like this is her home xx

DSD has a trundle bed so she has a proper mattress and her own bedding that is permanently set up for her - she also has her own toy box/ clothing drawers etc. We don’t have room for another bed currently but the girls are all happy sharing for now.

If you get a trundle bed, make sure it's always made up before she arrives.

She should have space that’s always there, a bed and storage at least. If not you run the risk of your daughters feeling she’s taking over their space when she arrives.

Thank you these are some really helpful ideas xxx

Ooo I didn’t really think about it like this ! A bed with permanent storage sounds like a great idea x

I think you need to consider how sustainable the options are the older they get. It has to be clear that this is your DSD’s room too, and she belongs there equally. I don’t think a trundle bed sends that message. I would do bunks.

Bunk beds could also work as there's a bed if one of your girls has a friend over when SD isn't there. Good luck with it all!

Why don't you want bunks? It seems the most sensible use of space for what you need.

I'd absolutely do bunks. I'd hate to think my stepson visited very little and then his bed had to be rolled out everytime he came over. She will get older and certainly notice that she doesn't have a fixed space in the house.

Remember that at any moment your home could become her primary home …

Bunk bed or two single beds much better than a trundle or blow up bed.

I would say try to get some sort of permanent bed in place. A day bed might be a good idea as that can still be used when she's not around and she can store her things in it. As PP said, always be prepared for the possibility of her moving in full time as it could happen at any time.

Bunk bed is the obvious solution. It’s left as teddy storage etc when she’s not there, but made up & ready for her when she comes.
Make sure she has a drawer / shelf etc as well which is just for her.

Also you need your reframe “ my girls have their own room” as it’s not true - one of them shares with DSD and the room should be treated as such. Probably give them the bigger one.

"I just want her to feel really welcome like this is her home"......it IS her home! It might only be a few days a week but it's still her home and where half her family lives. They all need their own bed and own space or nothing screams "you're less important in this household" more!

Could you put 2 cabin beds in the larger room which is to be shared? That way there is still usable floor space/storage area. As they get older they can have the ones with stowaway desks & chairs underneath for a quiet homework & study area.

So essentially, your elder daughter gets the smaller room to herself; your younger daughter gets the bigger room, which will be permanently set up as a shared space for her and your step-daughter.

I don’t see how your daughters can have their own room because one will be sharing with your step daughter or else your step daughter will have her own room.

Whatever bed your step daughter has needs to be a permanent one that is always there and belongs to her. A temporary one sends completely the wrong signal.

I know an older teenage child who doesn’t have a space in the step parents home but their step siblings certainly do. They feel hurt, unloved and rarely visit as a result. They have nowhere to retreat to for quiet space when visiting and it’s a problem. I was shocked to realise that this was so common.

A trundle isn’t going to work very long. You need something sustainable for years. Stepping on the other person’s bed to get in and out is going to cause strife.

the child needs a fixed bed that is always there. Bunk beds can work, but some children like them more than others. If you can put separate beds in the largest room that would likely work better for longer.

Yes this. And she needs an actual bed of her own otherwyse she’s always going to feel like a guest in someone else’s room. Can you not do bunkbeds?

There is an excellent Ikea wooden daybed/sofa with deep drawers. It can even become a double bed. It is good looking and useful.

Trundle bed would work while they are little and like you said they are besties. It’s like a fun sleepover. We had no choice as couldn’t have bunk beds (one of mine has learning difficulties so bunk beds would be unsafe to have in the home at any time). My son and step son love the trundle bed. I used to have it set up for whenever SS arrived but they both moaned they wanted the space to play 🤦🏽‍♀️ so pull it out right before bed time. I guess if your SD feels loved and happy then the above would work

Your step-daughter isn't "coming to stay", she's not a guest.

She lives (a very small but enormously significant) part of her life in your house.

Start from this premise, that you are a family of 5. You're not a family of 4 with a periodic guest.

We don’t want another bunk bed

Why? Surely that's the most obvious solution.