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Step-parenting

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Adult stepdaughter ADVICE NEEDED

11 replies

Witsend40 · 28/12/2025 20:01

Hi all,
so….. basically I have a stepdaughter of 23, her dad and I have 4 children together. There is always tension and awkwardness as husband treats her differently to our kids.
we went out for dinner on Christmas Day and the stepdaughter and grandmother were talking about my daughters weight when she was sat right next to them saying she has no meat on her bones and looks like a rake and it’s not normal. My daughters left the table upset. I found my daughter crying and she was upset saying that her sister is always saying things about her weight every time she is in her company. I told my husband I wanted to move out daughter and boyfriend to where we were sat at the other end of the table. We went back to the table, my daughter moved down to where we were sat and my husband sat where she was previously sitting saying ‘I’ll sit here shall I’. I saw red and said ‘yeah, you sit there and then you can all talk about it can’t you’. His daughter then started shouting ‘I didn’t even saying anything, what have I said’ I just put my hand up and said ‘it doesn’t matter’. My husband then came down to me and basically made me feel like I was in the wrong kicking off, so I told him, i said I wanted to move daughter and her boyfriend down to where we were sat, not him sit up there with her boyfriend away from me and our younger kids, so he came and sat back down our end. Also stepdaughters 4 year old was also running round the table the whole time, then banged her head on the table where we were sat and she came over and got her and had a go at her dad when he asked if she was ok and what had happened. We ate, paid up, she and her partner and 4 year old left, without saying by to me, her dad or her siblings. We didn’t hear anything Christmas Day but then it all blew up the day after Boxing Day, she messaged her dad saying ‘you can keep your little family, but don’t include mine’ and that I’m so rude and a twat and that everyone has been pussyfooting round me all the time etc etc. The beginning of the message says it all, she’s jealous and struggling with the fact that her dad has me and more children. But she’s 23 and to put down her sister because she has issues of jealousy is disgusting. Then her mamma has been on side and also grandad. He even said on the phone last night to my 18 year old daughter that if she upsets her mamma, that she’ll have him to deal with and in comparison, her dad is a oussycat. He also said that I have our youngest (8) on one tit and our 18 year old wants to be on the other. I am so shocked at this behaviour, both from 23 year old stepdaughter and from grandparents. It’s disgusting.

OP posts:
PurpleLovecats · 29/12/2025 00:11

You all sound pretty immature.
You were right to move your daughter if her sister was being unkind, but I cannot see an issue with your husband moving down to the other end of the table. To then “see red” and kick off was unnecessary.

haveaword · 29/12/2025 00:19

Jeeeez

You lot are exactly the type of family we dread being seated next to and will request to be moved.

The drama - your DH needs to address the DSD issue- why so jealous has she felt pushed out?

My heads spinning with the musical chairs - bet you made a right show of yourselves. - where you in a Toby Carvery by chance?

SparklingCrow · 29/12/2025 00:24

He also said that I have our youngest (8) on one tit and our 18 year old wants to be on the other.

That’s sick in the head.

Whatado · 29/12/2025 20:53

Its the age old story of competition. She is in competition for his attention and value in his life. And at dinner you turned it into a competition of who was more important.

She is immature as fck and so are you. She s an adult, as are you. Clearly you cant stand each other. Its interesting your in-laws and you also seem to have issues. But with out the history of the family situation its hard to know if they are toxic or they really do have an issue with you and your dp in how your blended family has operated over the years.

The reality is just because they share a parent doesn't mean they share a bond. So I would keep them away from each other.

ItsDarkNow · 29/12/2025 21:03

I feel so sorry for the staff and other people in the restaurant who had to endure this.

Starlight7080 · 29/12/2025 21:03

You have a dh problem. He needs to speak to all of them and put boundaries in place.
Whatever problems have happened in the past to build the resentments up need sorting . But I definitely would not have family gatherings again with all of you

FuzzyWolf · 29/12/2025 21:08

I really hope nobody else was paying to have a meal in the restaurant whilst you were having this tantrum.

Clearly you don’t like your stepdaughter and I doubt she can ever do anything right in your eyes. The entire post is slanted to try to gain support but you just come across awfully.

Arthurnewyorkcity · 29/12/2025 21:14

You were right to move your daughter but your shouting across the table is ridiculous.you sound worse than she does. How embarrassing. No wonder she doesnt want to go out with you all. I agree its obvious you dislike her, well you've got your wish now as she doesnt want to be involved anymore

socks1107 · 29/12/2025 21:20

You sound as jealous as you are making out her to be. She shouldn’t be discussing your dds weight by neither should you be shouting across a table because your dh has sat with her.

SmallBox · 01/01/2026 16:58

I wouldn't ever see any of you again if I were her. You sound dreadful.

Sanasaaa · 07/01/2026 15:34

I found that all a bit hard to follow.
Just don't meet up with the woman and her kid, she doesn't like you and might want to spend some time with her father.

It sounds like an awful meal out, don't attend the next one.

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