Need some perspective to tell me if I'm being petty & irrational or if I have a point

[hereagain]

One of my elderly relatives gave £1 each to my DS (6 years) and my DSD (12 years).

DS has a disco on Friday and I was going to suggest he take his £1 as spending money.
DSD wants to do an extra dancing class this weekend which costs £5 so I was going to suggest that she uses her £1 towards it and I'll pay the rest.

DSD claims to have already spent her £1 on "nuffin" (ie. junk from tuck shop at school). I feel cross about this.
BUT relationship is very strained (long story) and I am VERY aware that can jump to feeling really angry with her, sometimes irrationally at the moment.

So, am I being irrational - is it obvious that she was going to take the money and spend it on sweets without so much as a word and shall I just shrug it off & pay the full £5 for her class at the weekend OR should I say she can't do the extra class then (for the sake of a pound) and tell her she never asked if she could spend it on crap and she knows I won't let her have money to take to school for such crap? And that she can't have her cake & eat it?

I think you are being harsh. If the money [only a pound] was given to your kids, surely it is up to them to decide what to do with it, not you.

Sorry but I think you're being incredibly petty.

Message withdrawn

Ok - thank-you! I blame my irrational-ness on the fact that the relationship is so strained & destroyed that I tense up and see red at e v e r y t h i n g just lately

I need a break

We need to be apart

& I need to chill out

It is a pound chill - if it was £5 or £10 I could understand your frustration - but a pound is nothing so don't sweat it!

I think on this one the 12 year old was justifed in frittering it away.

Unrelated to that, I am also assuming that by "spending money" at the disco your mean for fizzy drinks/sweets and light sticks etc - if the £1 would stretch that far. Not sure what else can be bought at a disco.

sorry should be "you mean"

I think if my 10yrold was given £1 by a relative I would rather assume that she would feel entitled to spend it as she saw fit. A larger sum we would probably discuss.

i don't think you're being that unreasonable, tbh. it's only wednesday, she's 12, there will be plenty of opportunities for her to earn a quid off you if she needs it. get her to work.

I agree with the others.

Sorry that things are bad between you.

T 12 she should be able to spend her £1 on what she wants.

She should be allowed to spend the money on what she wants - it was a gift.

Hereagain

Just to echo what Jammi said.

I do think you're being a bit harsh but as a stepmum myself I know how sometimes little things can blow out of proportion due to other pressures.

When I'm struggling I look back at what my parents might have done with me when I was a child - helps me to get focus on whether I'm being fair or irrational.

As an aside, what are her dad's views on this? Maybe it would help if you disengaged for a bit (easier said than done I know...) Take care.

Hereagain

Just to echo what Jammi said.

I do think you're being a bit harsh but as a stepmum myself I know how sometimes little things can blow out of proportion due to other pressures.

When I'm struggling I look back at what my parents might have done with me when I was a child - helps me to get focus on whether I'm being fair or irrational.

As an aside, what are her dad's views on this? Maybe it would help if you disengaged for a bit (easier said than done I know...) Take care.

Oh blimey, trigger happy

I'd let it go - and, as others have said, leave it to your DH.......