Shouting and grabbing my child

[PithyPinkMember]

Hi everyone im just looking for a bit of advice as my heart is breaking and I dont know what to do . Please bare with me this is going to be long.

My 6 year old audhd daughter has disclosed that dad's girlfreind always screams at her and grabs her arm and that her dad's gf hates her. She does this every time she go's to her dad's. Most of the time she only does it when she is alone with my child. Well the last time was the worst it has ever been and she thought dad wasn't in the house, he was and he heard It all and apprently went mad at her about it but is still with this woman. She screams at my child and she grabs her arm and drags her down the stairs, she also trys to control my child seeing her father by saying things like oh leave your dad alone. Your not allowed upstairs to see him ect ect . She does not treat my oldest this way ( she has also witnessed his gf doing this to my youngest ) she dose not treat her own child this way and she does not treat the duildren who she works with at nursery this way. My child is now onvously refusing to go to her dad's because she is scared of her and his response to that was " oh thats sad " what do i do? Were do i go from here? The fact she only does this to my youngest and only when she is alone with her is calculating and feels very dangerous. My heart is broken , how can she do this to my little girl :( i want to do the correct thing and I dont know what that is . There is no court order or anything in place as we wanted to do things amicably. Dad and gf are not married but do own a house and have a child together . I have stopped contact for now as my daughter dosnt want to go and I now clearly cant and don't trust this woman around her and dad just dosnt care. Its been a problem for a while with daughter expressing being screamed at ect and crying and dad has to console her after but I didn't want to stop contact with dad obviously but I feel now I need to safeguard her and listen to her own wishes. It is breaking me , hearing her confused and sad as to why his gf hates her and non of the other kids and how the only person who loves her in his house is him, then hearing that she has grabbed my child was just gut wrenching any advice would be greatly appreciated . From a very sad worried mum thank you if you have gotten this far reading my post

Op I don’t think you’re reacting enough here. I would not be allowing any of my children to step foot in that house and I would also be reporting the step mother to social services and involving the police.
I would be going absolutely bat shit if someone was harming my child. Especially in such a manipulative way. This is horrific.

Yes im extremely angry about it snd very sad for my child. I dont allow her to go there , I have stopped contact due to this but im sad for her as she loves her dad and misses him but what can I do when he is still allowing this woman to be there, I cant send her knowing what is going on and shes only 6 and dosnt understand why daddy won't get rid of this woman. Believe me it's taken every ounce of strength I have to not rock up and turn her inside out..

@PithyPinkMember please report this to both the police and social services. This woman is dangerous and very calculating in her abuse of your dd to the point that I expect that she will have done this to other vulnerable children in her care.
She needs to lose her job at the nursery and your ex (dds dad) needs to understand quite how dangerous she is and how to safeguard all his dc, your eldest may not be on the direct receiving end of her abuse but she's still being abused by seeing her sister treated like that.

Report it to the police and social services she absolutely should not be around children.

You equally need this documented if Dad ever tries to pursue access through the courts.

Definitely a police matter.
Let him bring you to court.
Your poor child.

Yes if this is really true I'd stop either one of them going over there for the foreseeable. It is extremely dangerous behaviour and shows she has an anger problem. This is DH's problem to solve if he wants to see his children - which it sounds like he does?

Just reading this post now. Any update @PithyPinkMember ? I hope you haven't sent your older daughter and contacted the police or social services

Just to update you all contact has been completely stopped, there dad has blocked me and is refusing to do anything so school, early start help and social have been told and shown the evidence, they have advised I stop contact until she has been investigated. I have also rang her work as she works in a nursery and told them what she has done. Ty all for the advice. I was just terrafied of there dad as hes always made out im the crazy overprotective mum. I now feel very validated and confident in the decisions I have made so ty everyone 💓

Hi OP. Sorry only just seen this but just wanted to congratulate you on looking out for your little one. A lot of parents don’t. My SM was incredibly abusive and nothing was ever done about it. I’m so sorry your little one had to go through this, but thank goodness she’s got a mum like you to take care of her. 💐

Well done OP.
She is a dangerous bully.
Well done for going to her place of work as she has access to vulnerable children.
I hope every one takes her very targeted abuse of your child seriously.
Your ex is a disgrace.

I would tell your DD its all because this woman is not a nice person and that its nothing she has done at all.

Have you spoken to her dad about what his plans to see her away from his girlfriend are?

Thank you so much 💓 and im so sorry that happend to you , I hope you have managed to heal as much as you can , sending lots of strength your way x

Thank you. I ended up going NC with my parent. Your little one will always know you were there when they needed you and that’s a wonderful thing.

Just seen this, and wow that’s awful! Glad you’ve got a solution, I was wondering if you could take them to your wx’s parents for contact? They’re clearly not safe at his house, and I think you can’t really trust him with them at his house, but hopefully their grandparents would help
failinf that, can you get help and support from your family? Also if he’s paying maintenance the. That should go up if he’s not having contact because the gf would be there off his own volition so you can’t allow them to go due to safety